When Love Lasts | Doah

Realisations

Wednesday December 8th 2021, 19:27  p.m

Dixie's POV:

I had just began making my way towards campus taking in what was going on in my life. I was a complete mess. I thought about myself, my daily routine. It consisted of nothing but crying, breaking down and going to college. 

My life had been the same for as long as I could remember. I had no motivation to change it. After all there was nothing in my life that I would look forward to, no excitement, it was the same thing over and over.

Perhaps like a movie in which the character took the wrong path every time. The problem wasn't that I didn't know the right path, I just didn't have a reason to take it. After all I had no one to make proud, my parents were gone. Boyfriends were out of the question. My trust issues wouldn't let me stay in a relationship for more than a week. Also, the fact that I didn't want to love someone the way I loved my parents only for them to be taken away from me in the blink of an eye leaving me to suffer alone.

I was shaken out of my thoughts by someone tapping my shoulder lightly. ''DIXIE!'' they yelled. I looked back and sighed seeing Addison knowing she would want to talk about what had happened and why I had declined her call. It's not that I was scared that she would make fun of me, she would never do that, I just didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

''Hi Addison'', I whispered. 

''What happened back there? I got so worried'', she said rubbing my shoulder to try and comfort me. 

''That- That man. I think he's behind the killing of my parents'', I said clenching my fists in anger and disgust. 

''You mean that 21-year-old boy that's a new student at our college?'', Addison looked at me with a puzzled expression on her face. 

''NO! You're kidding right! Addison you better be kidding'', I said ready to break down right in the hallways of my college. 

I just stormed off to the girl's bathroom locking the door before leaning against it and starting to cry. I pulled my hair in frustration and anger not knowing how I could stay in a place with the possible murderer of my parents. I wanted to better myself, but I couldn't, every time I tried something else went horribly wrong. I sat in complete silence for the next 10 minutes deciding what my next move would be. A part of me wanted to believe that I was delusional but the other part of me was sure he was or was connected to the murder of my parents, how else could that face be so familiar?

I started heading towards the soccer field for some fresh air. I walked myself to the bleachers and sat on the one at the very top not wanting to be seen. I put my head on my hand and sat there for a while before hearing footsteps come up the bleachers. 

''Addison not right now'', I sighed figuring it was Addison because everyone was in class.

''I'm not Addison'', a deep voice said taking a seat next to me.

Confused and startled I wanted to look up, but I couldn't let this person see me in such a vulnerable state, my eyes were puffy, my hair was messed up and I looked like I hadn't slept in days. I kept my head down hoping they would get the hint that I didn't want to talk and just leave me be. 

''I know things get hard sometimes trust me, you want to talk'', the boy said sighing.

''Not really'', I said with a slight attitude signalling that I wasn't in the mood for talking.

''Okay... I'll wait until you're ready'', he said.

''I don't want to talk to you. I don't even know you'', I said shooting my head up to meet his gaze.

I felt my heart drop as I realised it was the same boy from before. I felt my fight or flight instinct kick in and I ran down those bleachers heading for my house as fast as I could. When I looked back, I saw him stunned, still standing in the same position. I wanted to just get home and cry. Cry until I had no tears left. I wanted to let go of every emotion in my body. I felt weak. Weaker than I had ever felt in my entire life. I didn't want to be happy anymore, I didn't know how it felt. The last time I was ever happy was probably the day before my parents died, 10 long years ago. 

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Hey again!

I started my winter break today and I'm honestly so relieved. Next semester I'm going to actual school instead of online which I'm excited for because the last time I went to school was 1 and a half years ago so that'll be fun. Anyways ily bye :)

P.S I wrote this in the span of 2 days, my winter break started 9th not 8th 

Word Count: 795