When Love Lasts | Doah

Acquaintances

Wednesday January 28 2022, 9:50 p.m 

Dixie's POV:

I was stunned when he asked me that. What was I supposed to say? I was obviously expecting him to ask me soon, but this was too soon. I can't say anything. I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I don't want to be friends with him. I can't be friends with him. 

If it was up to me, I would definitely say we were friends, but it wasn't up to me. I couldn't say it. My heart wanted to, but my brain wouldn't let me commit such a selfish act. 

My brain kept telling me I didn't want him in my life, but I knew I did. He was the only person that could let me fulfil my promise. I needed to do it. For them.

''Acquaintances at most''

Fuck no! We weren't acquaintances! 'Acquaintances' don't cry for each other. They don't have such a strong bond, but we do! And it's unbreakable. It may be the weirdest but it's the strongest. 

I needed him and he needed me. Not in a romantic way, not at all, just in a 'friendly' way.

If he wasn't here, I couldn't keep my promise and if I wasn't here, he wouldn't be either. My stressed-out mind told me that I had already betrayed my parents by being in this man's house for more than a minute, but I hadn't. Had I?

''Great'', he smiled and walked into his huge closet that was probably the size of my apartment.

''WHAT!''

Why was he happy! I wasn't happy! How could he be happy thinking he didn't mean anything to me. More importantly, did I mean nothing to him? 

I didn't, did I? No, no, he told me he couldn't live without me. He can't switch up like that!

''You don't mean that!'', I stuttered.

''You meant what you said right? Then I meant what I said'', he said blankly. 

''I didn't mean what I said! Can't you see!'', I whispered. '''Noah, we need each other but I can't let myself stay with you. I'm breaking! I know you have nothing to do with my parents but knowing that your dad played such a big role in the worst tragedy of my life is horrific to me.'', I said bawling my eyes out.

''You don't understand. If I didn't make the promise, we wouldn't be here right now. That promise is the only thing stopping me from doing what I want to do, and what I want to do is cooperate with you but unless I keep that promise I cannot let myself do that.'', I said.

I didn't know what I expected him to say. I told him I thought of him as an acquaintance, what was he supposed to do? Get on his hands and knees and beg me? 

I didn't know what I wanted at this point. Everything was so fucking messed up. Solving a puzzle isn't hard but when the puzzle is broken down into tiny bits and pieces, then it is. My life is a broken puzzle.

''So, what did you expect me to say? How am I supposed to know how you feel if you don't tell me!'', he said trying to remain calm. 

''I don't know! I made a promise to my sister that I would get justice for my parents, and I will not forgive myself if I don't do that! You are the one stopping me from doing it.'', I responded frustrated.

''How am I stopping you?'', he questioned.

I sighed not wanting to admit what I was about to say, ''Because he is your father! I don't want to take him away from you.''

''I don't care about him. Not anymore.'', he looked down. 

''He is your father!'', I yelled. 

Who did I think I was? I didn't know what he went through. 

This is one thing I've lost along with my parents. Empathy and Sympathy. I always think that other people have no pain compared to mine. I fail to realise that I'm not the only one that's hurting. Other people have felt more pain than me. 

Today night was the first night I saw Noah genuinely upset at me. I don't blame him. I would explode if someone told me that what my grandparents did was right. It wasn't. If I was in his place, I wouldn't want a father either. My mindset was any parent was a good parent, but this was wrong more often than not. 

As soon as those words left my mouth Noah just walked out and I was left there alone. Once again, I was alone in this horrible life, in this cramped body. I was trapped in my thoughts, and it made my stomach turn.

It made me wonder if this was what my parents wanted me to do. What if they wanted me to be strong and put the past behind me and move on? What if they wanted me to do what made me happy? 

There was no point in thinking about that anymore though, he already hated me. 

I had never felt a strong connection with anyone, not even Addison. I never felt myself around anyone after the incident. But Noah... he made me feel different. I didn't know what the feeling was because it definitely wasn't a friendly feeling. Whenever I was around him, I felt like I could tell him whatever was on my mind, and he wouldn't get offended. I felt like I was never overburdening him, even when I knew I was. He made me realise my purpose.

Maybe my purpose isn't fulfilling the promise, maybe I just need to make myself happy. Maybe I shouldn't do what is expected of me. 

I want to be myself, but I can't do that if I have so many expectations from myself. I need to give myself the freedom to live. Maybe my parents' life is over, but mines has just started. I can't bring them back, but I can make them happy. I am putting aside my promise for now but it's not going to be gone for long.

****************************

I know this book is really slow, but you wouldn't just date someone whose father killed your parents. 

Anyways I went to school again today and I was so tired even though I slept at 9:30. Oh, exams are starting next week so I'll be studying for that, I guess. 

I can't decide if I love the new pfp or hate it.

Word Count: 1026