When Love Lasts | Doah

Regrets

Wednesday June 12 2022, 15:04 p.m

Waking up every day to your mistakes is hard but waking up knowing that you are the mistake is even harder. Knowing that the people around you are hurt because of you, the people that you love are hurt because of you.

This is exactly how every morning was for Dixie. It had been for as long as she could remember. There was a possibility that Noah's father killed her parents because of her. Chances were slim to none, but when you start thinking of what could've happened you never hit dead ends, it keeps going until you can't take it anymore and you have a breakdown, because realistically no one can just stop thinking. It's impossible, whether you're trying to sleep or concentrating on work, your mind is still thinking about something. It bothered Dixie to think about what her parents did to deserve getting killed like they did, and what Dixie did to deserve the life she was living. The answer was, absolutely nothing. They were living like they were (or not living at all) because some stupid ass man with a gun decided it was a good day to kill two members of a happy family.

However, there was one possibility that Dixie never thought of, one possibility that was so bizarre that she didn't even consider it. The possibility that there was a motive, the possibility that Dixie's parents did do something wrong, or maybe they mistreated someone, someone related to the Beck family. This wasn't nearly as impossible as most of the other theories Dixie had thought of, and maybe, just maybe, this possibility was the closest to true.

Dixie snapped back into reality as Noah sat on the couch opposite to her. He seemed tired and exhausted; tense was the best word. His face looked as though he hadn't slept for days. His eyes were missing the glow they usually had, his voice missing the passion and confidence he spoke with. In fact, the more Dixie thought about his awkward demeanour, she realized that this had been going on for a while. He seemed agitated and disturbed. Like he found out something that was bugging him. Every time he looked at Dixie, he looked guilty. Almost as if he was hiding something. Something important.

''Is everything okay?'', Dixie asked raising an eyebrow, Noah looked surprised by her question, after all, it wasn't like Dixie to ask about what he was going through or what he felt like because to be quite honest, she couldn't care less. It didn't matter to her whether or not he was happy. It didn't affect her, so why would she care? There was absolutely no reason to. It made it easier on both of them to just go about their day, minding their own business than to stick their nose into more problems which they could happily avoid instead. Noah couldn't avoid Dixie just as much as he wanted because whether he liked it or not, she was his responsibility now. But that shouldn't be a problem, right? He wanted that to happen after all, or did he?
He didn't.

Maybe this was all a mistake on his part. Maybe this was an impulsive decision that he now regretted. But it couldn't have been, he thought about it deeply as he knew this could eventually happen. He knew that eventually he would regret it, and sure enough, he was regretting it. Dixie didn't know that though. Dixie was trying to come to terms with all this, she wanted to be his friend. More than his friend.

He was drifting away from her, fast, really fast. She seemed like a burden to him. A burden that was thrown into his life. An extra pound on his shoulder. Sometimes he even wished that he was exactly like his father. That was the easy way out of life. His dad was rich, fairly handsome, and he had no worries in life. The cashier at the grocery store is rude? Shoot them. The landlord doesn't want to sell you the house. Shoot them. There were two ways out of everything. Number one, have patience or number two, shoot. Pretty straight forward if you ask me.

He was slowly morphing into his father, and he had no problem with it. He carried a gun at all times, waiting for someone to annoy him enough that he would pull the trigger. He didn't give a fuck whether it was his closest friend or a random man driving too fast. He just needed one day, one day that would completely destroy his morals. One day where he would disappoint his mother and follow the same path as his father. That day was very close, closer than he thought it was, and it would ruin him. He didn't know what would happen after that. He didn't know whether he would want to continue or whether he would just want to end it. 

He always had a meaning for life. He was alive to make his mom proud, he was alive to help every family his dad hurt. But if he did what he was going to, it would all crumble. All the years of him being the goodie two shoes of a son would disintegrate. Nothing would matter anymore because his life would have no meaning. It wouldn't matter whether or not he had saved Dixie, but realistically, that never mattered. He got her into a situation he couldn't take her out of, that was on him, and he knew that. 

''Why do you care? Haven't asked for the past few weeks but now suddenly you decide to get involved? Even if something was wrong, I wouldn't have talked to you.'', he scoffed before getting up and walking away as Dixie sat there stunned.

His words hit her like a slap. The tables had turned. Less than a month ago this was her, except she had a right to act the way she did, but he didn't. His hatred for Dixie wasn't reasonable because this was all his fault. 

Tears fell down her face as she tried to act like she didn't care, tried to act like it didn't matter when she knew it did. She was great at this, she had been doing it for years, wiping her tears as her grandparents were obliviously watching TV. She always had to put herself last because of Charli, she continuously had to act alright, to set a good example for her. Maybe that was the reason her and Charlis's relationship crumbled at such an early stage. They were the reason she held that strong resentment towards her. 

Although they covered everything up well the truth would soon come out and it would hurt more than it would've before. It would only take one piece of paper for everything to uncover, for everything to finally make as much sense as it could. 

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It's been months lmaoo 😭😭 It feels good to finally continue this, but things will get intense now. Hopefully the next chapter comes out earlier than this one did but I'm glad to be back :) also a lot of new people have started reading my book and that motivated me to update. Anyways summer is finally here!!!

Word Count: 1149