When Love Lasts | Doah

What are we?

Friday January 21 2022, 18:13 p.m

Noah's POV:

I woke up at 6 a.m. today because I wanted to get some work done. I have a bad habit of checking my phone first thing in the morning and I try not to do it, but I always forget. This morning, as usual I checked my phone and smiled to myself when I saw Dixie's message.

''Hey, I know how hard this is for you and I didn't expect you to understand me so fast, but you did and that's all I could ask for. If you ever need to talk don't be afraid to ask, I want to answer all of your questions :)''

I gave a simple reply, but I knew it would mean a lot to her. Last night, I fell asleep thinking about how much courage it would have taken her to do something for me. She has gone through so much and what I have experienced is nothing compared to what she has. 

I decided to not go to college today, I wanted to stay here with her at least for today because what happened yesterday was a huge deal for her. I went downstairs and breakfast was already set on the table, pancakes and fruit. Unlike most guys, I knew how to make food and I could easily make myself breakfast, but I didn't feel like it today.

After breakfast I did more research on my laptop, but I didn't find much. There was no information other than what I already knew. It was frustrating and by the time I decided to stop it was 11. I had spent 4 hours and I had absolutely nothing. Great way to start of the day.

I had no plans for the rest of the day, so I just went up to my room and decided to clean up. I didn't know how long I could make my dad believe that I was at my friend's house, I needed a new excuse because this one wasn't going to work for long.

When I was cleaning everything was silent. I hate silence. I finally have time to take in everything and I hate that. I like to experience everything once then not think about it, ever. That's how it's always been, I always have work to do so I never think about the past. I don't like to.

What happened last night has been on my mind since yesterday and I hate it. My thoughts are making me believe things I don't want to believe. I'm imagining scenarios I shouldn't imagine. My brain is a mess, and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to not think about it. 

My life has always been so rushed; I've always been under so much pressure that I don't give anything a second thought. That moment needs a second thought. Right? 

Everything felt so weird. How she grabbed my hand and touched my face so gently. I wasn't uncomfortable, not at all. It just felt surreal. It felt strange, no one had ever touched me, at all. I didn't know why it felt that way and that made me think about it more. 

What were we? Friends? 

I needed to talk to her but how? How would I ask her what I was to her? Before I did that, I needed to know what she was to me. Who was she to me?

I hated that I didn't know. I should know! This was my plan, and I should've thought of all the possibilities but instead my stupid self only thought about the bad things. Now that a good thing has happened, I don't know how to react. I can't do anything right, when I do, this happens.

Maybe she was a friend? She probably didn't want to be my friend. Yeah, she was nice to me but maybe it's just her personality. If you are nice to a waiter that doesn't make you friends. Besides, my dad killed her parents, I wouldn't want to be friends with me either. 

I should think of the good things that can happen; she might think of me as a friend. Maybe we'll even get married and end up on a deserted island and live a peaceful life. Sounds bizarre right? Just like the thought of us becoming 'friends', it's impossible. I'm just going to embarrass myself if I try to be friendly. But if she does want to be friends, I'll push her away by being rude. I give up, this is pointless.

Right when I accepted defeat, I heard a knock at the door. Before saying 'come in' a realisation hit me. If this was Dixie and I said something wrong to her I would mess up my chances. Knowing me, I would probably say something in the heat of the moment or ask something she wasn't ready for. I couldn't leave her standing there though, I had to say something. I had two options. One, I say come in and ruin my chances. Or two, I tell her I'm busy and she never talks to me again. I was setting myself up for failure at this point.

''Come in'', I sighed.

She came in looking confused. Obviously, I had taken 2 minutes to acknowledge her knock she probably thought I didn't want to talk to her. She was somewhat right if she thought that. For all one knows she might just want to ask me something about the house. I was hoping she was. 

''Is everything okay?'', she asked, not fully entering the room.

''Yeah, yeah totally'', why am I so dumb?

''Doesn't look like it'', she laughed trying to ease the awkward tension in the atmosphere. 

''I'm just a bit... stressed'', I lied.

''Oh, then you can figure that out'', she walked to the door.

''Sorry to bother you'', she whispered, just about to close the door.

''Wait! Dixie!'', I practically shouted.

''Yes?'', she said startled.

I sighed before saying, ''What are we?''

As soon as I asked her this her face changed and it scared me. I was expecting her to be shocked but not that much! She looked upset and annoyed but at the same time she looked sad and sorry. I wanted to dig myself in a deep hole and never come out. Why did I just say that? I should have thought this through, but I didn't. As always. 

At least I was getting this over with. I could research with a clear mind now. That is of course if she says she wants to be friends. If she doesn't, I'm in for a long night.

I didn't know what was going through her head and I was scared for her answer. Part of me hoped that she would say she didn't know yet, maybe then we could figure it out together. What if she felt a connection towards me? Perhaps a 'romantic' connection? I couldn't deal with that. I would crumble under the pressure. 

There was no way she loved me, right? No. What the fuck was I thinking? I didn't even love myself, there is no way she loved me. 

While Dixie was thinking of her answer, I was trying to hold back a laugh from my previous thought. I could never imagine Dixie thinking of me other than someone who kidnapped her. It was never going to happen, so I didn't need to give it a second thought.

Dixie finally opened her mouth to speak.

****************************

Heyy

I have an assignment due in about an hour so I have to do that. Oh and I tested negative, finally. And sorry for the cliff-hanger but my sister told me to :)

Word Count: 1253