When Love Lasts | Doah

Not the Same

Sunday February 13 2022, 11:51 a.m

Dixie felt fine. She didn't regret what she did because maybe she just found out what those feelings were. Maybe she wanted to do what she did for a long time but she didn't know when. 

There was nothing to regret. That boy did nothing but care for her. He bought her pain then took it away. He didn't do it for himself. He did it for her. He lived for her. He sacrificed his life for her and he fought against his own father for her. He lived with a horrible man and still came out looking better than most guys. He didn't care about himself, he cared about her, even when she made it hard. He didn't give up. He held onto her when she had let go. He gave her space when she needed it and gave her attention when she needed it. He knew what to do and when to do it. He asked if she was ready before telling her what happened to her parents. He helped her through this. Quiet honestly, if he didn't come along she didn't know if she would be here. If you asked her if she was scared of dying a week ago she would've said no easily but now, she had a passion for living and she was scared of dying. She was scared of loosing another person that meant so much to her. 

She knew what she did and she wanted to do it again but she was scared of moving too fast. She was scared that he would abandon her. He wasn't just a boy with answers to her anymore, he was the person she needed to continue on with life. He was the person she needed when no one else could handle her. He was the person that saved her. Not with his expertise in therapy, he saved her from his actions and words. This was the medicine she needed. Attention. 

She wasn't pushing aside her parents, she couldn't. She still felt strongly about her statement. She would make sure his dad got at least a few years in jail, he deserved it. That's not what mattered right now though. Noah mattered right now. She needed to clarify what she did. She needed to tell him how she felt but how? She knew she was falling back into a deep hole, the hole that she was in for more time than she would like to admit. How was she going to fix things this time?

The same boy who she despised a few days ago was now the first person she kissed. The first person that made her feel a level up from shit. The person who let her take her time. Let her break him with her words. She knew the things she said hurt him. She didn't want to say those things but her anger got the best of her. She hated her past self for not giving him the chance he deserved. Another thing she would beat herself over. Life had let her down so many times that she didn't think anything good could happen to her, but it did. She couldn't ruin this opportunity. She wouldn't.

She needed to figure out what to do for the rest of the day since it was only the afternoon. The problem was she didn't know anything around the house so she would have to ask Noah. She decided it was better to sort things out with him now. Maybe then she would feel more comfortable in this 'safehouse'. She got up from the bed with tears in her eyes. She knew that this would make or break her. She walked over to Noah's room which was across the hallway that seemed to be never-ending. 

When she finally got to his room she saw him on his desk staring at a picture. She didn't know whose picture it was but she knew it meant something to him if he was just looking at it for so long. She knocked on the opened door before walking in slowly. He looked at her once before focusing his attention back on the picture.

She creeped up behind him and put her hand on his chair. ''Who is it?'', she said looking at the picture of a woman who looked to be in her late 20's. 

''It's... my mom'', he whispered rubbing his hand on the frame. ''I- I just wish she was here''.

Dixie could relate to him, a lot. Loosing an important person in your life is hard. Harder than an outsider could imagine. ''I know, it hurts'', she rubbed his shoulder. ''I hate trying to hide it. I can't! It does hurt and I can't do anything about it. I'm not heartless like my father! I'm better than him!'', his hands were shaking, he put the frame down and ran his hand through his hair. 

''Sometimes I feel like it was my fault'', he sighed ''Maybe it was''. Dixie knew exactly what he was feeling. It was sad because she knew how society wanted men to be. Strong and emotionless. ''But it's not Noah!'', Dixie bent down and looked at him ''I want to know how you feel. I promise I won't judge you.'', she knew he needed this as much as she once did. She knew how hard it would be for him to tell her but it was worth a try. Even if he didn't want to open up he would know that someone cared. ''I don't know what's wrong'' he said after a long pause ''It's been so long but it feels like it just happened yesterday'' he sighed ''I still remember every bit of it'' he stared at the wall intensely as if a movie was playing in front of him. She rubbed his knee trying to think of what to do next. They were very similar but they were very different too. They both didn't have a mom but the reasons were opposed. They could help each other a lot in some cases but in others they were nothing but an outsider. This was one of the moments where Dixie realised that maybe she couldn't help. Maybe she didn't know how to. Maybe they were not the same.

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This story is finally getting somewhere. This chapter is kind of short but oh well. Also I'm doing online school today and I hate it so much.

Word Count: 1047