When Love Lasts | Doah

Change

Wednesday March 16 2022, 16:15 p.m

2 months later they were still stuck. The same questions were left unanswered. The same problems came up. Again and Again. There was truly no escape. There was nothing they could say or do that would make the other feel better. There was nothing they could do to justify their attitude towards each other. 

Dixie lashing out had become a routine. Living together for so long was damaging. Being indoors for months on end was damaging. Their current lifestyle was damaging. To both their physical and mental health. They often skipped meals so they wouldn't have to see the others face. No physical activity whatsoever. And no one to vent to. Isolated, was the best word to describe it. 

They were trapped in their thoughts. No matter what they did they couldn't get out of them. Seeing the same faces and the same atmosphere over and over again was frustrating. Being in their rooms the whole day was frustrating. There was nothing to do. No one to talk to. They barely spoke unless Dixie started an argument. Noah thought back to their situation a month ago. How they were so... calm and settled with each other. How they had sympathy and empathy (to some extent) for one another. How they started to get comfortable with each other. All their effort was thrown out of the window. Now, a little over two months later, she couldn't stand him. She had nothing but hatred for him. She thought Noah could never experience as much pain as she had. She was right, to a certain level. Yes, Noah's father was a freak. Yes, he killed his wife. But Dixie didn't understand. ''Every parent is a good parent''. Completely wrong but that's what she thought. She could never understand why Noah was so cruel towards his own blood. He was being immature. If only she felt his pain. If only she could feel the pain he felt realising that he's been living off of dirty money. Money that hadn't been eared but rather stolen. Money that had been stolen by killing. Realising that everything he had was worth a life. Quite literally. 

Noah had been working hard on a case against his father. He wanted to bring a strong case to court so he made sure he won. He needed to win for all the families his dad had broken. Alongside that, he was gathering as much information on Dixie's past as he could. He went into every little detail so he could bring Dixie some more answers. So he could put a picture in her head. Maybe she didn't want an image in her head but part of Noah wanted answers too. Why did his dad target the D'Amelio's? What was so 'special' or 'intriguing' about them? 

From what he knew, or rather from what Dixie had told him, they weren't wealthy. Dixie had said that they were a middle class family. She had everything she needed and wanted growing up. They had an average car and an average house. And to her memory they never spent lavishly. Her parents taught her from an early age to take good care of her money. Noah saw that in her. She was very wise in spending. Not cheap but reasonable. Although it was nice how much Dixie knew about money management, it struck Noah as odd. Why would parents teach their kids so much about saving. Every parent wants their child to be grateful but Dixie knew a little too much. If she was 'middle class' then why did she need to know so much. Whatever it was Noah was cracking it, piece by piece he was getting closer to figuring out exactly why it happened. 

Sure, it was gonna take a while. After all, he had a lot on his plate. Dixie wasn't helping either. Her constant mood swings were taking a toll on Noah. He hated seeing her cry. It upset him to think that it was his fault. And part of it was his fault. Dixie felt alone. She needed someone to talk to but talking to Noah just reminded her of her disgusting life. It reminded her of what a horrible person she was. Or rather what a horrible person she was slowly becoming. The feeling of loneliness wasn't new to her, not at all. But after finally feeling content, it hurt. It hurt really badly. It stabbed her heart again and again. There was nothing she could do to control her fits of unnecessary anger. As much as she wanted to help Noah part of her wanted to lock herself in her room and never come out. She didn't want to see the face of the man she hurt over and over again. She didn't want to realise what a mess she was quickly becoming.

Things were going to get worse before they got better. That's how life is. Nothing would change until she changed herself. Getting used to someone isn't easy, especially if they're somehow linked to your trauma, but seeing someone suffer because of you is even harder. Seeing how much impact your attitude has on a person is truly lifechanging. It's all worth it in the end though. You compare yourself to who you were before and you're proud of yourself. Nothing comes easily. No matter how hard things get you shouldn't give up. Easier said than done but it's true. 

No matter how much Dixie thought she hated him she knew she didn't. Deep down in her heart there was a place for Noah. It might've been small but it was there. She felt bad for him and how she treated him but she wasn't ready to let her guard down just yet. 

She promised herself every night that she would be nicer the next day but that's not how things work. She had to commit, which was something she wasn't capable of in her current state of mind. Soon she would, and she would show Noah that all his work wasn't for nothing. But for now she'd have to get used to this life of... repetition, because things weren't changing anytime soon.

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This chapter was a pain to write. All I have to say is this book might not end how you expect it to.

Word Count: 1031