Chasing Shadows (Jaylor Fanfiction)

If I Die Young

TRIGGER WARNING: BLOOD AND SHARP OBJECTS

August 5th; 2024
Taylor Swift's Point of View
It's all mostly a blur. I'm in the moment, but everything feels blurry. I see the lights in the dead roads and can sense how the car is doubling the speed limit. The car flies through a red light and all I can just think of is if this is my last day. Is this my last moment on earth? Is this finally it? I think I'm content with it if it is.

"I'm tired, can we go home?" I ask quietly. My body is curled up in the front seat and my eyelids are dragging me down. I start to gag but I don't have the will in me to do anything about it. I throw up all over myself and the car. Blood is dripping down my neck and chest. This is gonna be a bitch to clean up.

The car comes to a halt and Joe runs out of the car to pick me up. He runs me into the ER while my arms are wrapped around his neck.

"My wife-she needs help." He says in a panic. The nurses quickly shows him to a gurney and he sets me down on it. I spit up some more blood onto the floor and I feel like I've lost half of the blood in my body. The red liquid drips onto the floor and I feel like all I can see is red. They take me into a private room and hook me up to keep track of my vitals. They get out an ultrasound machine and put the wand over my chest.

"Her lungs are filling with fluid faster than a Niagara Falls. Taylor, right?" The doctor on call asks. I nod my head while pain surges throughout my body.

"Taylor, we need to put in a chest tube to get rid of the infected fluid but, we need to do it now. This is going to hurt like hell. You'll most likely pass out." I nod my head while tears trickle down my face. A couple of doctors cut off my shirt apparently there isn't enough time to normally take it off.

I look over and see a doctor take a scalpel. She uses the scalpel to tear into my skin and muscles. The doctor was right, it does hurt like hell. I scream at the top of my lungs and everything begins to become blurry again. When I tell you I have never felt a pain worse in my life. It's like the physical emotion of terror and danger was carved into my skin and everything is radiating with blood. I begin to forget everything. It all fades and I pass out from the agony.

• • •

I open my eyes very slowly and find myself in a hospital room. Again. I see that I'm in the ICU this time. Everything feels so far away and like I'm kept in a bubble. Joe is asleep in a chair while he holds my hand. I grin slightly but it's hard to do when there's a constant wave of pain being shoved into your veins. I turn my head over and see a nurse changing out a bag of saline.

"Hello Mrs. Swift." He says after seeing I'm actually conscious.

"What's wrong with me this time?" I ask.

"Your chemo weakened your immune system and you got pneumonia. It's one of the most common infections that cancer patients get. Your lungs got inflamed and filled with infectious fluid." He tells me.

"But I felt fine. Well, the last couple days I've had a bad headache and felt like I couldn't breathe. I mean, I always feel like shit though."

"That's cancer for you."

"Am I gonna be okay? It's just pneumonia right?"

"Usually, we wouldn't be too concerned but, you have a compromised immune system. There's a higher mortality rate and you could die."

"Will I get to leave anytime soon?" I ask him. I'm almost pleading to him. I can't stand these walls.

"Unfortunately you'll likely be here for at least a month."

"I'm so tired of fighting. I'm fighting a battle that I've already lost."

"Hey, you gotta keep your head up. I know it's hard but you can't just give up." Man that is the cheesiest shit I've heard in the last month.

"I'm not giving up, I'm just coming to terms with it. I'm done suffering. I want a DNR."

"A DNR? You know what that means right?"

"Do not resuscitate. If my heart stops beating, I don't want to be resuscitated. I want natural death to occur. If my heart stops, I want to die." I'm truly done with everything that is happening to me. I saw Piper, I saw my own chest be cut down, I've been botched and experimented on. I'm done.

"You're Taylor frickin Swift. You can't just give up."

"I'm also human. A normal human who is just tired of it all. We all know it. I'm gonna die."

"I'll talk to your doctor. I'd also recommend talking to your husband." The nurse leaves the room shortly and when I look over at Joe, he's still sleeping. I shake his hand to wake him up and he begins to pick up his head.

"Hey sleepy head." I stutter my words as I'm being tormented at this point.

"You're awake? How do you feel? Are you okay? What do you need?" He begins asking questions at 100 miles per hour but I can tell he's happy I'm not dead.

"I'm fine. I don't need anything."

"Are you sure?" He asks but I cover the moment with silence.

"What is it?" He looks up at me with almost a puppy dog eyes face.

"I'm signing a DNR." Joe let's go of my hand and sits up.

"No. You-you can't do that."

"I can't do this anymore. I'm done suffering. I can't let them torture me anymore. I'm going to die."

"No you won't!"

"Stop lying to yourself! Stop lying to this family! I'm going to die!"

"You will die if you sign that DNR. I can't let you do this. You can't do that to this family."

"It's okay. I'll be fine. I'll be happy and I'll be pain free."

"What about us? What about Olivia, Benjamin, Juliet? What about me? What about everyone on this god forsaken earth that loves you?"

"Joe, don't you see? This isn't about you. This isn't about anyone else. I love you. I love the hell out of our kids but, don't you love me enough to let me go?"

Joe stands up and puts his hands through his hair. He begins to break down, sobbing. "Please. Please don't do this."

"Come here." Joe sits on the end of my bed and I pull him in so he is slightly laying on me. All he does is cry.

"It'll be okay...I'll be okay." I reassure him.

I'm ready to die. I'm content with it. Piper died, my mother died, I'm dying. This disease is going to kill me. Sooner I accept that, the better. I'll die and I'll die in peace.

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Authors note:

Aye two updated in one week 😎

Song- If I Die Young-The Band Perry