Chasing Shadows (Jaylor Fanfiction)

Supermarket Flowers

TRIGGER WARNING: INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT DEATH

July 28th, 2024
Two Weeks Later
Taylor Swift's Point of View
Dear Diary,
           Living is killing me. I feel like that's an ironic statement. A lot has happened the last two weeks and lots of it I wish to forget. I went to Piper's funeral and it was one of the most emotionally destructive moments of my life. I felt like I had nothing left to give. I'm a mother, an artist, and a soon to be grandmother...but, all I feel like is a waste of space. I stopped taking my medicine, stops caring about myself, stopped following doctors advice, stopped eating...stopped. I just want it to fucking stop but the world really said fuck that. Apparently when you stop taking care of yourself you end up in the hospital.
I've been bedridden in the hospital for a week now. I collapsed a couple days after Piper's funeral from dehydration and low oxygen. The doctors looked into it more and my cancer has advanced. They had to get more aggressive with treatment and now I can't leave the hospital. All I want is to be with my children and husband and...I want my life back. I can't live like this anymore. My immune system is shot, I feel like shit all the time, and I can't breathe. I want to die and be finished off.
I can't express how much I wish I could get rid of this. It pains me every single day to wake up and have nothing physically left. It frustrates me, infuriates me. Why can't I just get rid of it? Why can't this just be the flu and be brushed off with antibiotics? Why does my body have to be infested and mutated into death? Maybe I should stop being sad and try and end this on a lighter note.
Olivia, she and Lucas are having a gender reveal party thus week. The baby is healthy and has a strong heartbeat. I'm going to be a grandmother which sounds unreal. Who knows it I'll actually be a grandmother...I'll probably be dead by then.
NO! I'm ending this on a good note. My daughter is going to be a mother, a great one. She will love them and Olivia will make sure they know me.

-Taylor <3

I toss my diary on my bag which doesn't quite work as it just falls on the floor. Well fuck. All I do is just collapse and look at the ceiling which is annoyingly decorated with birds and a fucking sky or some shit. Yes, a painting is going to make me jolly.

"Hey babe." I hear Joe's voice and pick up my head.

"Mom!" Benjamin slightly screams and runs up to my bed. Juliet runs to the other side and jumps on the bed with me. She sits on the end of the bed with her legs cross crossed.

"Mommy, we made you a card! I drew Theodore! The doctors said we couldn't bring him." Juliet pouts but it makes me laugh slightly. I open up the card and glitter spills out everywhere. I see why it was taped shut now.

"Julie! I said you could use glitter, I didn't say you could dump the bottle on it!" Joe says with a laugh.

"What? We were out of glue. How else was I supposed to get the glitter to mom?" Juliet defends herself which just makes me laugh more.

"It's fine. I love the card honey." I kiss her on the top off her head and set the card on my half-assed nightstand.

The doctor walks in to take some vitals and check up on me. "So, how are you feeling today?" she asks me.

"Better now that the family is here. Where's Olivia?" I ask Joe.

"She wasn't feeling well. She's also preparing for the party next weekend."

"She must be excited...I wish I could go." I frown and my mood instantly begins to drop.

"Well, if you continue to do well, I think I could let you go home for a couple weeks to be with your family." Dr. Montgomery tells me.

"Really?"

"Yup. I'll discharge you Friday, but you have to stay on your regimen and be sure to keep track of your health."