Chasing Shadows (Jaylor Fanfiction)

I Want Love

August 26th; 2023
9 Years Later
Olivia Swift's Point of View
Dear diary,
            I found some of my mother's old diaries and I found them quite interesting. I thought I'll start a diary of my own as I hope in the future I can look back at them. My mother had so many entries but suddenly stopped about a decade ago. It's like she dropped it and forgot about it's existence...like me. My mom would tell me about how she was emancipated at 16 and how hard it was for her. She would always tell me how hard life was for her and it was difficult to just feed the two of us. I don't remember much of those days. I remember feeling more loved in those early years of mine then I do now. Maybe that's why I can remember some...cause I felt loved. I have a home but I feel emancipated.
My mom doesn't give a shit about me and my dad is always trying to fix this shit fest. At least my dad cares more about me than my mom does. He actually notices my existence. Sometimes I think about running away and finding my biological dad. He's married to some model apparently and has children of his own. His sons are seven and four years old. He has tried to get custody of me a couple times but failed to on both occasions.
I'll maybe try and put my family into a summary...confusing chaos. No one knows what's happening and it's chaotic. My mom is still in my life sometimes. She leaves unexpectedly all the time. Every time she does it, I begin to resent her more and more. What makes me worry the most is my siblings. I hate them but I love them at the same time. I sometimes feel like I have to third party parent which is just-I don't like that exactly. Benjamin and Juliet though, I want to protect them, shield them before they know what's actually happening in their life.

Sincerely,
Olivia Swift

I place the diary on my desk and just look out the window with a sigh. I see a car pull up which confuses me because not many people visit us when my mom isn't here. I hear the doorbell ring so I walk downstairs. I see my father open the door and there she is. My mom who has seemed to be gone for the past week finally went out of her way to come to the house.

"Mommy!" Juliet says before running up to Taylor and hugging her tightly.

"So, where were you?" My dad is usually quite happy to see my mom but this seemed much more distanced.

"I was at the house in London. I had some business to do in London." She explains. I know it might sound stupid but sometimes I question if her business in London is another man...and I don't mean a friend.

"Happy to have you back." Sometimes I can see the mental state of my dad and how he slowly falls apart but builds himself back up when mom is here. Benjamin runs up to mom and hugs her as well. I just stand, I keep my distance. Feels a little like that COVID-19 pandemic when we all had to keep six feet away from others. Except mine is 20 feet and no emotional attachment. She walks in and places her bags by her bedroom door. A couple weeks ago I came downstairs in the middle of the night to well...sneak out and I saw my dad sleeping on the couch. I'm not sure why but it raises questions for me. I just try to think maybe she was snoring too loud or something because I kick out the boys that snore too loud in my bedroom.

"So, I talked with my team and I'm going to do a concert at Madison Square Garden in a few months. It's going to be a fundraiser and all proceeds will be going to GLAAD." My mother explains. It's cool she cares for those in the LGBTQ+ community I guess but it would also be nice if she cared for those in the "Swift-Alwyn community."

"Mommy, can I come?!" Juliet asks jumping up and down.

"Of course sweetie. All of the family is invited."

"YAY!" Juliet shouts. Why does all of my family seem to worship her when she's an arrogant ghost?

I watch as she says hi to everyone and seems to express love but it ends quickly. "I'm going to rest. I just got back from a 12 hour flight and a eight hour time difference. Are you okay with watching everyone for a bit longer?"

"Yeah, sure." My dad nods and my mom disappears. I shrug and head back upstairs. I take out my homework and just begin to go through it. School is tomorrow and I haven't been keeping up on it 24/7. The funny part is that my mom doesn't care enough to do anything about it. Why is doing homework right now more fun than going downstairs? Maybe it's so I have an excuse to avoid my actual problems. At least I know I have problems unlike a certain person I know.

"I'm in pain." I say to myself quietly. I quickly laugh slightly and push the thought aside. I tend to say small comments like that to myself. It's like an overdramatized vent. I open my phone to go on Instagram, basically seeing if anything interesting has happened recently. My Instagram is on private so I don't have those crazy swifties on my account, worshipping me for no reason. I look through my DMs and comments but most of them are just hate. Fuck them, I don't care. I take a picture of me while I slightly bite down on half my bottom lip and shoot from the bottom. When I'm bored I post some picture of my on Instagram. I find it entertaining to find the compliments which are accompanied by hate. Why do they follow me if they're just gonna say rude crap?

"You're so beautiful!!!"

"#whore."

"Hot"."

"Slut."

I mean, I obviously appreciate the love more than the hate, but I like to take a different stance and just laugh at them. Maybe it's been my thought process the entire time. Just, ignore pain and laugh at it. I don't have many friends, or any for that matter. I think people are too scared to be friends with me. Most people make fun of me so they become scared if they were friends with me, they would suffer the same fate. I think in the end I'll turn out fine.

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Author's Note: I swear things are more interesting next chapter.

First chapter though :)

Song: I Want Love-Elton John