Chasing Shadows (Jaylor Fanfiction)

Three Hearts

February 1st; 2024
One Week Later
Olivia Flower's Point of View
Dear diary,
I'm scared as hell. It's started to occur to me what the fuck is happening? I married a guy, had a bunch of sex, got pregnant, dropped out of high school, and fell in love stupidly. I'm beginning to think my mother was right. I took too many big steps forward instead of spending time actually growing up. I don't want to be an adult when I'm just barely 17. I'm not cut out for this. I'm not ready to be a mother or a wife or an anything.
Today I'm going to the OB/GYN to get an ultrasound of the baby. I'm not far along so it's not too late for an abortion. I did already drop out and marry a man though. I have to have this baby...or do I? I think for so long I was thinking of the future and what it could be instead of being in the present and knowing my plans are unrealistic. When I dropped out I thought it was for the best, but I'm beginning to think it was for the worse. I wasn't thinking about the baby, I was thinking of myself. I shouldn't be a mother, I should be a car surfing, underaged drinker, stupid teenager. Not a wife and expecting mother. What have I done?

Sincerely
Olivia Flowers

Or maybe it's Olivia Swift.

I throw my journal against the wall and scream while covering my mouth to muffle myself. I put my hands in my hair and dig my fingernails into my scalp.

"Olivia! It's time to go." I hear my dad yell from downstairs. I look at the time and it's fifteen till 2 pm. Just in freaking time for my OB appointment. I drag myself out of bed and downstairs where my mom and dad wait. Taylor and I were finally connecting again but when I decided to drop out, it's like we went off the rails again.

"Where's Lucas?" Taylor asks.

"He's meeting us there." I explain. The three of us get into the car and I look outside the window in the backseat, contemplating my entire existence.

"You excited?" My dad asks.

"Uh yeah, sure." My tone doesn't express it well.

"Something wrong?" He asks.

"No, I'm fine." I like to be straightforward but sometimes I feel obligated to lie. After and excruciating, silent car ride, we arrive at the hospital. We all walk into the waiting room where Lucas already is. I walk up to him and hug him as a couple of tears roll down my face. Lucas tries to make small talk but all I want is silence. I feel the fear in my body and I want to be rid of it.

"Olivia?" A nurse calls out. I look up at Lucas for a moment before speaking.

"I want an abortion." Those are the only words I say to him. I say them quietly, softly, but still covered in fear.

"What?" He is obviously confused and concerned which I ignore. All of us walk into the doctors office after I change into a gown. I sit silently on table while everyone is also keeping their mouth shut. They all know something is somehow wrong but they don't know how to approach it.

The doctor comes in and introduces herself. Small talk is all that seems to happen, boring old small talk. At this point I just want to get out of here. I don't like what I'm putting myself through anymore.

"This might feel a little uncomfortable but it's so we can see your baby." The doctor comments as she begins the ultrasound. I look up at the ceiling, I don't even look at that black and white screen they have in all those t.v shows.