Chasing Shadows (Jaylor Fanfiction)

Consequences

December 20th; 2023
Two Months Later
Olivia Swift's Point of View
Dear diary,
It's not what we do Olivia. Don't end up like me Olivia. Don't get stupid Olivia. Be a good girl. Don't be a teenage mother. My mom told me every single one of those and I think it was a tactic to scare me. It never scared me though because it gave me determination more than anything. I wanted to not end up like my mother, I didn't want to be her. Being her was my worst nightmare. So I studied, I became a woman of passion, I worked hard (sorta) and tried to be what my mother wanted me to be. I didn't want to be the product of Taylor Swift, I wanted to be happy. I think I've failed my mother this time though but I also don't think I ever tried to be her perfect girl. I want to be a girl that will be happy without others expectations or opinions. I think I've thrown that out of the window at this point. I made it almost 17 years but I failed myself.
It took me a couple months of dating to end up pregnant.
The Latin root of pregnancy is prae which means before or yet to happen. Funny when you end up pregnant, it doesn't feel "prae." Prae is before but what happened, already happened. I know prae is supposed to refer before giving birth and all but it still does not feel prae. It's real and new and it's fragile. Fragility and life is how I would describe pregnancy.
So, I'm pregnant. What do I do with that now because I genuinely have no idea what to do with my life. I grew up wanting to be a singer like my mom but then I realized being my mom isn't who I want to be. I want to be my own human. Maybe I'll just work at a fast food chain for my entire life so it feels like I made at least something out of my life. I'm a smart girl, I know that. I get good grades, I take fucking latin and I'm not failing it. The only thing that made me fall behind was not wanting to turn in homework when I knew how to do it. I could write a 5 page essay in an hour but didn't do it because I simply didn't want to. I never want to.

Sincerely,
          Olivia Swift

"You writing in your little journal again?" Lucas asks as he lays down on my bed.

"Yeah, it's where I vent I guess. Makes me feel better." I explain.

"You can always talk to me. I'm always willing to be the person you vent to."

I swallow and look at him. "Lucas, I love you."

"I love you too babe. Is something wrong?" He can see the held back tears in my eyes. The eyes that are stinging because I can't let my emotions out.

"I took a test a couple days ago."

"I took my finals too, Liv. You have good grades, you'll still get straight A's in all your classes even if you fail all of them." He says like he's trying to reassure me. He's thinking of the wrong type of test which is kinda cute.

"I know that. I didn't fail any of my tests."

"That's good. Why are you freaking out so much then?"

"The one I wanted to fail, didn't."

"Why would you want to fail a test?" He asks.

"It was a pregnancy test."

"What do you mean?" I can tell he's freaking out internally; he has no idea what to do.

"I'm pregnant."

"What-we-we were careful. We used protection and we-we."