Out of Time

Chapter Eight - Apologies

"Briella, listen to me. You are not a burden. When was the last time you had a meal?" Axel said after I calmed down a little.

"I don't even know. I can't remember." I said as I finally came clean. "So much just fucking happened that I can't think."

"Briella, take a deep breath." He said as I walked over to my vanity and threw everything on the floor.

"I fucked up again," I said as I grabbed my suitcase out of my closet.

"What are you doing?" I heard him say as I grabbed all of the shirts I love.

"I'm getting out of this town," I said as I sniffled and walked into my bathroom.

"Ok, let's talk this through. Where would you go?" He said as I started to walk towards my bathroom. "Hey, no. Sit down. Let's talk this through."

"I don't know, probably a hotel for the night until I can make ground in the morning," I said as I grabbed my phone.

"What does that get you? Where does that get you in life?" He said as I took a deep breath and thought about it.

"Nothing," I said as tears started to fill my eyes.

"Right. Nothing. It will get you nowhere as well." He said as I sat down on the floor.

"I'm just so fucking sick of being a disappointment in this house. I'm eighteen, but they treat me like I'm eight." I said as I sobbed. I heard a knock on my door, so I put my phone down and walked to open the door.

"Who is it?" I whispered as I heard the facetime call hang up. Whatever happened now, nobody would believe me.

"It's me, sweetie." I heard my mom's voice from the other side of the door.

"I don't want to talk things through," I muttered as I was about to walk away.

"Honey, your father isn't home. Let's talk." I took a deep breath as I opened the door and stared at my mom.

The lady who had been my best friend for as long as I can remember. The lady who started siding with my father on absolutely anything. The lady who became a stranger with her abusive actions and words. My mother.

I stared at her like a deer in headlights, afraid to say anything.

"I'm sorry about your father, honey. You know how he gets. I wish I could do something, but there isn't." She said as she shrugged her shoulders, and I scrunched my eyebrows together.

"WHAT? There is NOTHING you can do?! How about sticking up for me? Being there when I need you?!" I screamed as I tried to push her out of my room.

I started to feel very light-headed as a wave of nausea passed over me.

"Sweetie, talk to me. What is wrong?" I heard my mom say as my vision went spotty.

"I need you to get out of my room," I said as my vision returned to normal, and I could stand still.

"This is why we can't help you with anything. You go off and act like this. Don't be surprised when no one is there to help you out." She said as she slammed my door, and I heard her walk away. That is precisely what Ella said. I was just a living, walking problem.

-

The rest of the week, I ignored everyone's calls, didn't go to school, and just lay in my room. Now and then, Jake would text me and say they were all outside, but I never answered him or went outside.

I looked sick. Miserable and sick. Had I eaten maybe a ritz cracker or two? A tiny bowl of pasta, and that's it.

I was disgusted with myself, my family, and my mind.