Grace

Chapter 16

My longest update. Last chapter then epilogue na next.

Enjoy!

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C H A P T E R S I X T E E N
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Last month, after I fainted that day ay agad akong dinala sa hospital ni Caleb at nagising ako matapos ang tatlong araw na naka-confined. The doctors says that I should stay at the hopital para mamonitor nila ang kalagayan ko and ni baby. I have no choice but to agree kahit na ayaw ko dahil na rin sa kalagayan ng baby ko, to make sure that she will be safe.

Right now, papunta kami sa cemetery. Mabuti na lang at napaki-usapan ko ang doctor ko na payagan ako but not too long dahil need ko din bumalik, dahil nasa critical stage na ako ng pregnancy and I feel so weak. I wanted to visit my mother's grave and talk to her dahil hindi ko sya madadalaw ng matagal.

Pinarada na ni Caleb ang sasakyan pagkapasok namin sa cemetery. As the car's engine turn off ay agad na akong bumaba, I didn't wait for Caleb to open the door for me instead he open the backseat para kuhanin ang bulaklak.

Nagtungo na kami sa lugar kung saan nakalibing si Mama at naupo sa harapan nito matapos kong ilagay ang bulaklak sa taas ng lapida.

Mayroong puno na nakatanim malapit dito kaya hindi mainit dahil nahaharangan ng mga dahon na nagmumula sa puno ang araw at saka mayroon ding malamig na hangin na nagmumula dito.

The wind blows my hair kaya napunta ito sa aking mukha. I was about to fix it ng may naramdaman akong kamay na umayos nito. Nginitian ko si Caleb na nasa aking tabi.

Nagbaba ako ng tingin sa lapida ni Mama at pinasadahan na parang sinusulat ako gamit ang aking daliri ng pangalan na naka-ukit doon, Helen Cruz.

Ma, you know... growing up I always blame myself kung bakit ka nawala dahil palagi kong sinsabi iyon sa'yo every time I visits you kahit na sabihin nila Papa at Alicia na hindi ko kasalanan, but I didn't tell you the reason, why?

I took a deep breath bago tumingin sa kawalan.

It is because every time I look into my father's eyes kahit na alam kong masaya sya at nakagiti sakin... I can always see the sadness and pain in the depth of it, kahit na anong tago nya noon sakin. I can always see because he is my father. I know him... And it hurts me knowing that he is hurting... everytime. And it pain me more knowing that I would eventually leave him, too. Ayaw ko ng dumagdag sa sakit na nararamdaman nya, Ma.

My eyes are getting misty kaya napapikit ako ng mariin para pigilan ang nagbabadyang mga luha bago tumingala sa maaliwalas na kalangitan. Thinking that my mother was there looking at me. Listening... I smile sadly.

Ma, I think alam ko na ang naramdaman mo habang pinagbubuntis mo ako... That even though you want to be with me while growing up but you can't.... the situation does not allow you but you have a choice to abort me because my existence is at the wrong time, and be with Papa as you fulfill the promised to each other habang nagpapagaling ka and by that time you will be able to conceive again... but you didn't think of that as what Papa told me because you are willing to sacrifice your life just for me to see the world, to experience life.

Napahawak ako sa aking tyan at mapait na napangiti. habang naikuyom ko naman ang isang kamay ko sa damo kung saan kami nakaupo.

I'm pregnant, Ma.

I told her with a genuine smile thinking about my daughter.