Sanders Sides OneShots (Mostly Songfics)

Hey, My Love (Intrulogical Angst)

TW: death, car accidents, big fights between people in a romantic relationship together, alcoholism, end of a long term romantic relationship, language, implied past abuse, hospitals
~~~~~

"You're never home!" Remus, who was on the verge of tears, yelled at his fiancé "I've barely seen you since we moved in together! You're always working!"

  "You know that's not true; I'm home as much as I can be!" Logan yelled back

  "No you're not! You're constantly taking extra hours and going on voluntary business trips! And you never did any of that before we moved in together! It's like you're avoiding me!" Remus yelled, tears beginning to fall from his eyes.

  "Yeah, I'm taking extra hours because we're planning a fucking wedding and that's not cheap!" Logan replied "But you wouldn't understand that, I guess. Because you were always your daddy's spoiled little boy"

  "I know you didn't just call me that" Remus growled

   Logan inhaled deeply, as if he was about to tell Remus off, but then he didn't. He released the breath, and replied as calmly as possible. "I'm going to stay at Patton's place tonight. I don't want to try to resolve this issue while we're both angry. We can talk about it tomorrow morning when I get back"

  Remus wanted to fight against this, but he knew he shouldn't. Logan tended to have issues with lashing out when he got upset, so his therapist had recommended that if he felt it was necessary, he should remove himself from the situation that was upsetting him and return to fix it when his mind was clearer, to prevent anyone or anything from getting hurt. Logan had to do this more often than he'd like to admit, but Remus understood that it was for the better to let Logan stay with his brother for the night.

  "Okay. Sleep well, please text me or call me if you need anything..." Remus said before flinching back as if Logan was going to hit him. He knew he wouldn't. Logan had never hit him. Logan would never hit him. But sometimes old habits and old fears stick with you longer than they need to. "I love you"

  "I know" Logan responded, walking out the door.

  Remus did what he normally did when Logan had to leave like this, or for a business trip, or just generally when Logan wasn't in the house.

  He went to the closet and found a bright orange Florida State University hoodie and put it on. He always wore this hoodie when Logan wasn't with him. It was Logan's favorite, so it held his distinct scent of butterscotch and cologne. Remus had always loved that smell. It comforted him.

  He ordered takeout from a mediocre sushi place and put on his go-to crying movie, The Art of Racing in the Rain.

  It wasn't that he was dependent on Logan for his happiness, it was that he hated the feeling that he had driven him away by getting into an argument.

  Suddenly, Remus' phone rang. It was an unknown number, so he was slightly hesitant, but he answered it anyways.

  "Hello, is this Remus Appleton?"

   "Yeah, that's me"

   "What is your relationship with Logan Hall?"

    "He's my fiancé, why?"

     "I am a receptionist at Sacred Heart Hospital. I am sorry to tell you that Logan was in a very bad car accident. He is currently in our care, and he is very badly injured. We're not sure if he is going to live"

   Remus froze for a second, in complete shock, before speaking again. "How did you get my number?"

   "You were listed in our database as his emergency contact from a visit about 2 months ago"

  Remus remembered the incident. He and Logan had been visiting his brother, Roman. Logan had been playing with Roman's 12 year old son and had accidentally inhaled a small gun from an action figure, so Remus had to take him to the emergency room. That's when it really hit Remus. Logan hadn't been spending too much time at work. He has been taking a couple extra hours here and there, but nothing extravagant. He knew he had to get to the hospital and apologize, even if it was the last thing he said to Logan. Especially if it was the last thing he said to Logan.

   "I- I'll be there soon. When do your visiting hours end?"

   "At 8:30 pm"

   Remus looked at the clock. It was 8:15.

   "Thank you" Remus hung up. He quickly put on shoes and got in the car. "I really hope I don't hit traffic" he whispered to himself

  He hit traffic. He got to the hospital at 8:29 pm. Just in time to be informed that Logan had died while Remus was on his way. Not in time to apologize.

Remus went home and buried himself in a pile of blankets, crying for hours on end. He couldn't help but feel like his fiancé's death was his own fault.

~~~three months later~~~

Remus quickly learned after Logan's death that he didn't actually know how to deal with loss. So he did the only thing he could find that seemed to make the pain dull. Drinking. Kind of a lot.

Currently, he sat at his (previously Logan's) desk and wrote a letter. He knew this was a stupid letter to write, considering it could never be delivered, but he wanted to write it anyway.

'Hey, my love,
I buried you a month or two ago. I keep thinking that you're standing on my floor, that you're waiting there for me. You walked out a thousand times, how was I supposed to know that this time you wouldn't come home? But four drinks, and I'm wasted. I can see you dancing. I can lie down next to you at the foot of my bed if I drink enough. I can taste your lipstick. I can lay down next to you. But it's all in my head. If I drink enough, I swear that I will wake up next to you. When you left, you took my best friends away and in this mess, I think I dug a thousand graves, Logan. I hope you're happy anyway. You didn't mean to, but you broke my heart. And now i'm wasting my time on you.

I know you know,
Remus'

The next day he stopped by Logan's grave and set the note against the headstone. He knew Logan couldn't read it. But maybe it'd help. Somehow.