F*CK I DROPPED IT

New Year

"Happy new year Y/N-chan!"

"Happy new year Phil!" You greeted him cheerily, picking him up in your arms and swinging him around. Poor kid. In a few weeks you'd all leave him. "What do you want this year?"

"I want you all to be happy again!"

"Huh?"

"Emma and Ray especially," he said, despite your confusion. "You all look so sad nowadays, because Norman's gone. I want Norman to visit so you'll be happy!"

"I'm sure we'll all see him again one day!" You smiled brightly.

You had to make up for Emma's recent slump.

She rarely smiled, she was basically a good resemblance of a corpse nowadays, like Ray.

Before the clock struck midnight, you'd spoken to him.

"Ray, wake up, c'mon."

Mama had sent you to wake him up and send him to his room because you'd been helping her with the younger kids and stayed up late anyways. You were also the only functioning 11 year old.

You moved your hand to shake him, but he quickly slapped your hand away.

Pulling your hand back, you scowled. "That was rude"-

"Shut up."

"Fine," you stood up. "Go drag your own ass to bed."

"I don't get you," Ray continued, ignoring you, scratching his head. "At all." He giggled slightly. "You're sick. I thought you cared about us, even a little bit, you know? But you're still sick."

"Excuse me?"

"I hate you, God, I can't believe I used to li- find you even the slightest bit tolerable." He slid his hand down his face. "How can you be so fine, when our best friend is gone. Did you just not care about him? You're basically the new Emma now, what are you trying to do, replace her?"

You kicked his leg.

Ray grabbed it, cussing, and his eyes darted up to glare at you.

You were already glowering.

"How dare you? Norman was my best friend too! He was my brother! How dare you say I didn't care about him! Or Emma?! I love them more than anything in the world, Ray! They're the most precious people in my life! You think I'm not mad? You think I don't wish that was me?! Of course I do, of course I think that, but," you took a deep breath. "you and Emma are so sad now. I haven't seen Emma smile in weeks, Ray, you know how much that hurts?"

Tears stung your eyes.

"The happiest person I know has stopped smiling. I'm sorry I feel an obligation to make up for it but it feels like the sun is gone, and I have to do my best to produce some sort of light, no matter how artificial right? Because Norman wasn't the only one I cared about."

You swallowed.

"I care about everyone here." You crouched down. "I care about Phil, I care about Gilda, and Don. I care about Carol, I care about every kid in this farm. I care about all my siblings.

And you.

Well, you're different.

But I still care about you."

Silence.

"Ray?"

Still.

You checked. He was asleep.

Sighing, you walked away to call for Isabella to pick him up. You wouldn't deal with him.

When he heard the library doors close, Ray opened his eyes again, and lifted his hand up to clench at his heart.

Oh my god.

The clock struck twelve.

What a nice way to end the year.