Chapter 17
"It had been two weeks since I went out with Kels, Ty, and coincidentally Jay. I was still doing my regular routine. Wake up, spend all day with my daddy, go back home, and do it all over again the next day.
I was starting to become numb to it all, almost like this was normal. I spent majority of my days forcing myself to be an optimist of this situation, and realized it could be worse. but when you see someone you love suffering to this extent. you'll think "what's worse than that?"
If my Grammy was still alive she'd say "Death if you don't know, no'betta.".
The swelling in my Dads heart just wouldn't subside. I wondered was God angry at me for whatever reason, maybe because I had sex before marriage. plenty of it at that. Or because I cursed like a sailor when I wanted too, or even maybe because I didn't follow through on the promise I made to my Grammy before she died on her death bed.
"I promise Grammy, I'll go to church every Sunday, and even on holidays.. just don't die, please." I told her, I begged her, with tears streaming down my cheeks, I meant every word of it too. I would have went to church every Sunday under that one condition.
Her eyes poked out at me like I had lost my mind, and she gently rubbed the side of my face. "Baby, you are to honor his wishes. know that it is for the best."
She smiled sweetly at me, like saying that brought peace and comfort to her body.
"I can't stay here forever, and you do righ' by him, you'll see me again.." she breathed slowly before talking again
"you promise me you'd gon go up to that church hous' no matta what happens here. you hear me? it'll be okay BB. you just hav'ta think on those things.." She concluded weakly.
she rubbed my face so soft, and made me get into the hospital bed with her.
I cried so hard as I laid gently on her chest, and she hummed our favorite hymn we would sing together all the time; "It Is Well, With My Soul..." until she fell asleep because of the meds.
When Grammy died two weeks after that, I didn't know what to do with myself, Solange knew Grammy but not like I did.
She taught me how to sing, how to clean properly, how to sew even. we were inseparable every summer.
She was super religious when it came to her Faith, Christianity. she had quotes all around her house, she'd talk to me about God all the time, she even made me read the bible to her sometimes,
My mom was spiritual too, but she claimed she left Grammys nest in Louisiana because she say Grammy smothered her with the bible. I heard stories about how old folks would do that to their children but Grammy just didn't seem like the type.
She was passionate about her religion and I respected that. it made her happy, and brought her peace. She would explain certain chapters and verses to me, when I would ask all the questions in the world.
"Grammy if God is so real, and loves us dis much. why you sick? why mama cries? why is it so much mean stuff in dah world?" She needed to figure out a way to explain this to her 10 year old curious grand baby to where she understood.
"Well BB, ya know. the world is full of bad, and because the world is temporary. you suffer down here, so you'll live happily forever, in where?" she asked me.
"Heaven?.." I replied, She smiled.
"that's right. He takes you through tough times, so you can bring your focus back to him. he wants you to come to him with your problems, and depend on him to get you through. He is a jealous God, he wants you to choose him. he hurts like you hurt."
