【Ｍｅｓｓａｇｅｓ ＡＵ】- Reddie

23 - I'm scared

Warning: Mention of self-harm scars 

It had been a week since Eddie's birthday, a week since he went to conversion therapy. A weak since he forgot how to love... 

It had been tough at first, Richie and Eddie broke up and Eddie moved in with Bev and her Auntie. Richie had been upset at first but knew how broken Eddie was, so he let it happen. The losers had practically split up, only really communicating in classes, never going to the quarry or anywhere else. 

Richie missed Eddie more than anything, he still wanted to be friends with the small boy but didn't know how long he could communicate with him before wanting to kiss and cuddle like they used to. Even though sometimes Eddie would make Richie go brush his teeth before kissing him, Richie didn't mind though. 

Richie decided to invite Eddie to the quarry, he missed him and just wanted to spend the day together, as friends. He cycled his way there, throwing his bike onto the grass, waiting for Eddie to arrive. 

Not long after he finally showed, Eddie threw his bike down beside Richie's and sat on the grass, taking a puff of his inhaler. 

Richie watched, sighing as Eddie started using his inhaler again. But still no smile on his face, just a blunt expression that hurt Richie to look at. 

"Feel like swimming?" Richie asked, unbuttoning his Hawaiin shirt as Eddie looked at him 

He shrugged, "Sure". 

It was emotionless, Richie felt his heartbreak even more. 

The two stripped down to their underwear, jumping off the edge of the quarry into the water below. 

The two gasped at the cold water, Richie laughed at their reaction, Eddie just stayed emotionless. But then Eddie's eyes saddened, he was looking at Richie's arm he had been using to swim. 

Suddenly Richie realised what he had been looking at, His scars. Richie still had his cut scars all over his arms, from when he had nearly died, because of how much he had loved Eddie. Honestly, sometimes Richie made tiny cuts on his legs still, but he hid it. 

"Do you still hurt yourself... because of me?" Eddie asked, quietly. 

Richie nodded, looking down into the water. But he couldn't see much since his glasses were back with Eddie and his glasses. 

"I'm sorry Richie, you shouldn't hurt yourself over me. I- I wish I could love you... but I'm scared, I saw so much during my time... away. And it hurts, I've seen things they do to people like us and I'm just not ready to be with you again. My mind's still numb, I can't tell if I really love you". 

"It's fine Ed's, I understand. I'm not gonna force you into a relationship, I just want as to be friends". 

Eddie didn't smile, he just nodded and swam back to the shore, walking back up to get his and Richie's clothes. 

Richie followed and the two put their clothes back on, Richie waved goodbye to Eddie and cycled away. 

Richie was halfway back to his house when he saw Belch, one of bowers goons watching him from across the street. Suddenly Belch ran up to Richie. Richie started pedalling faster, expecting the goon to be attacking him. 

"Tozier, wait up!" Belch shouted, causing Richie to speed up. 

Richie turned his bike to fash, causing him to crash down in the middle of the road. Belch caught up to him, standing over the tallboy. 

"What the fuck do you want!?" Richie shouted, clenching his fists, prepared to fight. 

Belch raised his hand in surrender, "I wanted to warn you about something, about Eddie after his treatment". 

Richie glared at him, "How do you even know about that?" 

"Rumours travel fast, anyway It's important to listen". Belch responded, Richie, rolling his eyes. 

"Henry went to conversion therapy as well, that's how he ended up the way he is. The loss of his ableness to love turned to Hate Tozier, I understand you probably don't want that happening to Kaspbrak". 

Richie's eyes widened, was Belch seriously telling him this. Henry had been turned into an asshole because of trauma from his therapy. Richie suddenly became scared, what if the same thing happened to Eddie?

What if Eddie became like Henry Bowers? 

It scared Richie, that Eddie's kind and loving self could turn into a homophobic asshole who beats up him and his friends. 

"You need to get him through it, just make sure he doesn't turn bad... We don't need another Henry to look after..." Belch said, and with that, he ran off before Henry could see him with Richie. 

Richie just sat there, thoughts racing around his head. 

Could Eddie really turn into someone as bad as Bowers? 

Richie shook his head, trying to get rid of his thoughts. He got up, riding the rest of the way home to Stan's. 

"Hey Rich". Stan greeted him, Richie pushed past him and ran upstairs to his room. 

He threw himself on the bed, he felt his eyes get heavy. 

All he knew is he would protect Eddie, no matter what.

 He wouldn't let Eddie become Henry Bowers.