The Zodiac Cycle

2.3 The Notebook

Keith was sitting on the bow of the ship, his legs dangling off the edge. He was writing in his notebook when Amber came around the cabin, sitting down beside him.

"Hey, what are you up to?" She asked.

"I thought you were hanging out with Carson." Keith looked up to speak to her.

"I was. He actually took the next shift steering, so I wanted to ask you something."

"Go for it."

"What's your Zodiac sign?" Keith was suprised. He had never even thought to tell them his sign, since he never thought it mattered.

"I'm a Sagittarius-Capricorn Cusp."

"Cusp?" Amber tilted her head.

"It means I'm both. I was born in the few days between the two."

"What day?"

"December 25." Keith went back to writing in his notebook. "I'll going to be 28 in two months."

"You're 27!" Amber pulled back a bit, shocked. "You act like you're younger than all of us."

"Do you really think a teenager would know how to teach all of you how to use your weapons, all while retaining information about every aspect of your personalities."

"Maybe?" Amber shrugged. "You have a killer memory though, how do you do it?"

Keith chuckled. "I have photographic memory. I even remember back to when I was freshly hatched."

"Like from an egg?" Keith nodded.

The two sat in silence for a moment before Amber leaned into Keith to see what he was writing. "What's that?"

He closed the book, looking at her. "Its nothing."

She laughed. "Why'd it say my name?"

"No reason." Keith hugged it to his chest.

"Awe, Keith, do you have a crush on lil-old-me?" She poked him in the shoulder and he swatted her away.

"No!" Amber took that moment to pull the notebook away from him. He reached for it, but she held him back with one hand and opened it, reading, with the other.

"Keith," He stopped, looking at the serious look on her face. "What is this?"

"Its an analysis of all of you." He jumped out and grabbed the notebook back. "I need to know what I'm working with to prepare you all for the fight with Zveck."

"Do you really think theres a traitor in our group?" She asked him. He was a bit confused by the question, wondering if she was changing the subject.

"Perhaps, though I'm still not sure who."

"Then do you really think it's safe to keep a log of everybody's strengths and weaknesses within reach?"

So she hadn't been changing the subject. Keith considered the dilemma for a moment, looking at the book in his hand. "What do you suggest, I stick it under my shirt at all times?"

"Get rid of it." Amber looked at the journal. "We have no idea who to trust."

"I'll keep it safe, dont worry. Besides, these arent weaknesses like fear kind of weaknesses, simply personality flaws."

"Gee, that makes me feel better. Emotional manipulation isnt a thing with big villains apparently." She huffed and crossed her arms.

Keith set the notebook on the deck and turned to her. "Why does this bother you so much?"

She looked at him, sighing, and rubbing her neck. "I'm only 21 and taking on the responsibility of a group of 12 other people. I want to be able to do all I can to protect them, but I'm not sure how."

Keith looked out along the river. The sun was setting, casting reds and oranges over both sides of the river, one side covered in yellow flowers. The jubilees effect didnt reach this far out because of the winds that ran along the river, but every once in a while, he would get a burst of ecstasy when the wind shifted.

"I'll protect it with my life if I have to." He set his hand back on the notebook and he felt Amber's eyes on him and he turned to see a concerned face.

"That's exactly what I'm worried about." She laid back, setting her head on her hands, watching as stars started becoming visible.

Keith watched her for a moment before realizing what she had said. "When you say 12 people..."

"You're one of them Keith."

"But I'm not. I'm merely here to get you all going. A guide of sorts."

"Iris told me about what happened in ths forest."

Keith tensed, remembering how Iris had told him not to die if he didn't want to. The concept seemed simple enough, but so hard at the same time. He was born and raised for this role, the only value given to him was how well he could serve the Zodiacs.

Then he was there, doing what he had prepared for his whole life and he felt so... lost.

The Zodiacs told him that he was their friend. They didnt refer to him as The Guardian as his family had, they called him by his name. Amber spoke to him on equal terms about topics that didnt matter, Rebecca gave him a couple new shirts that werent as formal, Alex (reluctantly) helped him preen his feathers in harder to reach spots because Iris could not.

The Zodiacs treated him like their family, and he had no idea how to feel about it.

Amber sat up. "Keith, you know you're not JUST the Guardian, right?"

"Its the only reason I'm here. It's the only reason I have for existing, without my role as the Guardian I'm... useless."

"Are you really?" Amber crossed her legs and set her hands in her lap.

"What else can a Male Harpy do in this world? Female harpies reproduce asexually, so the one male that's born every generation isnt able to do much."

"You can do anything." Amber shrugged. "You can get a job, an education, a career. You can get married, own a home, live in the world with other people as yourself, Keith. Not just as a Male Harpy, not just as The Guardian."

"But I can never go home." Keith pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm not allowed to go back now that the signs have activated."

Amber looked at him softly. "A place that kicks you out for something you can't control doesnt sound like a home to me."

Keith looked away from her. "Then what else can I do if I have no home?"

He could feel Amber smiling a bit. "You make your own home."

(Ah yes, Keith and his lack of self-worth. That's going to be a continuous point brought up, so bear with me here. To all of you out there who dont find yourself useful for anything but the one think you've been told you were meant to do, theres more out there for you. Unfortunately for Keith, he is an Aro/Ace and doesn't seem to connect to family as easily.)