Ain't No Mountain High Enough

"Total Eclipse of the Heart"

After I agreed to meet her, Valerie said to meet me at our friend groups' favorite coffee shop later that evening. It would be after her evening classes. I wasn't entirely sure why she wanted to meet so soon, or why she wanted to talk to me in person at all, really. I mean, she was dating Stephen now. Wouldn't it be a little weird to go out for some coffee with another guy? Yet, I didn't question her. Deep down...maybe I was hoping she was thinking of breaking up with Stephen. Who knew? Maybe after tonight, we might start seeing each other more often?

I mentally chided myself as soon as the thoughts came from whatever dark depths I had kept them in. Valerie could never be happy with me. I would be stuck in this wheelchair forever, never able to do even simple things like getting into bed at night without her help. She probably would never have time to drive me places. Maybe the doctors were right and I would die earlier than I was supposed to. Heck, what if I couldn't even have kids? I knew Valerie wanted to be a mother. Maybe...I just wasn't the guy for her after all.

I sat in my room, my hands clenching into fists at the thought. I remembered the night of our high school graduation. After the ceremony, Valerie and I went outside the back way. No one else was around. She had a look in her eyes, like she knew exactly what I was about to say to her. I think she did know.

I closed my eyes, reliving the moment like I had so many times before.

~ ~ ~

The night was perfect. Cool breezes rushed through the trees, and a chorus of rustling leaves would fill the silence every time one blew by. The parking lot was empty behind the building, and I was thankful to finally be alone. I had been planning for a while to tell Valerie how I felt about her. It had taken four years to get up the courage for this. And now here she was, in her unzipped graduation robe and her cap in her hand. Her hair was in beautiful, deep brown curls, flowing down her back and over her shoulders. I couldn't help but think she was way out of my league.

"It's beautiful out here," Valerie said, smiling up at the stars above us. I couldn't look away from her to see them. My heart was pounding, and I was beginning to sweat. I wrung my hands behind my back so she couldn't see them shaking.

"Valerie," I started. I had been planning exactly what I'd say for weeks, but now everything in my mind vanished. "I...have something to tell you." I was scrambling for something to say while she searched my face. I saw that look in her eyes, and somehow it gave me what to say. I took a deep breath, then went for it.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush," I said. I was speaking quickly, like maybe I was afraid she would run away before I could say it all, or someone would find us. "I...well, I like you. A lot." I ran my hand through my thick hair. It had been all done up for the ceremony, but now I messed it up. I was sure it was sticking up in every direction. "I think you're really smart. And beautiful."

There was an awkward pause before Valerie replied, an amused smile on her face. "Is that why you like me? Because I'm pretty and smart?"

My eyes widened. "N-no!" I said. I raised my hands in defence. "You're a really good person! I really admire you, and...well, you make me want to be better, too." Ugh, I couldn't believe how cheesy I was sounding. And now I was rambling.

Valerie giggled, and it made my heart flutter. "I was just teasing you," she said. There was a light by the back door, and with it I could make out the slight blush on her cheeks. I couldn't be sure if it was just her makeup, though.

I gave a nervous laugh and rubbed the back of my neck. I could feel anxious energy pulsing through me. "Well...I had to get it off my chest."

She was staring at the pavement, a faraway look in her eyes. I waited for what she would say next, my stomach churning. It was like hours before she finally cut her eyes to me again, a slight smile on her face. The amusement was gone from her expression. "Randall," she said, slowly, like she was saying my name for the first time. "I...don't really know what to say."

My confidence started to fade. Maybe I was wrong to tell her how I felt. I should have hidden it away. It would have vanished eventually, right? She was a friend...I didn't want to ruin our friendship! But now it was too late... "I-I understand if you don't feel the same way about me," I said, my tone quick.

To my surprise, she shook her head. "No...honestly, I..I do feel the same way." She stepped closer. My heart skipped a beat. "I was waiting for you to say something, actually. I like it better when the man makes the first move." She smirked. Was she teasing me again?

Our faces were mere inches apart. For that moment, everything was perfect, right down to the way the moon shone in her gray eyes, making them look as if they were glowing. I had never kissed a girl before. Yeah, I know. Here I am, eighteen years old, and I'd never kissed anyone before. It's safe to say I was pretty terrible at it. Yet, I was willing to give it a try. I brushed my fingers across her cheek and ran them through her hair. She was really blushing now, and I'm sure it was the same for me as I closed my eyes and kissed her.

The next thing I knew, I was pressed against the side of the building right by the back door. Her kisses moved from my mouth to my neck, and it made me gasp. Her hands tangled through my hair. I kept pulling her closer.

Her graduation cap was forgotten on the pavement, and mine was next to it.

~ ~ ~

The memory made my chest seize. My breath caught in my throat as I remembered how soft the kisses were, and how they became so fierce I couldn't breathe. The way she held onto my clothes. The moment went no further than us making out, but it made me blush to picture the scene in my head again.

And then I remembered that she was dating Stephen now. After that night, I was never really sure what had happened between us. Something had sparked, but it didn't last long. We got into college, and each of us became deeply involved in school. She ended up traveling around a lot, and I didn't see her as much. I thought maybe we could withstand stuff like that. But it was Stephen who could withstand not seeing her for long periods of time. Maybe Valerie never loved me like she must have loved Stephen. The thought makes me squeeze my eyes shut from the ache it sent through my heart.

But now she wanted to talk to me...in person. I had no idea what to expect. Deep down in my heart, hope was starting to grow. Maybe she really was going to break up with Stephen?

I have to admit, I was more than a little disappointed with what I actually got.

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Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it! You guys are awesome!

Listen to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler!

Peace ✌ ~ A.J.