I didn't end up talking to Ms. Harlow until the next morning, when everyone else went to get breakfast. Ms. Harlow took to deflating the air beds, and while I helped out, I tried to think of how to say everything that was twisted up in my head. Once we were shoving the beds into the boxes they came in, I took a deep breath and went for it.
"I had a talk with my mother last night," I said carefully.
Ms. Harlow was quiet for a moment, then looked up and said, "How did that go?"
I shrugged. "I guess about as well as I could've expected." I shook my head. "There's still a part of me that wants to believe I can trust her. But after everything...I don't think I can. She's told me she wants to make things up to me before, but never actually tried. I don't want to get my hopes up again."
Ms Harlow set the air bed box aside and stood, running her fingers through her hair. She wasn't old at all, but somehow...right then, she looked it. "Randall," she said, plopping down on the sofa. "I've known your mom for a long time. Even before you were born. We were friends. She helped me out some when I was pregnant with Arjun. But when she got married, and you came along, I guess...it just got hard to be friends with her. She got worse than she had been as a teenager, and I just couldn't be around her anymore. But the way she treated you..." She shook her head. "I kept in touch with her only because I wanted to make sure you were okay."
I smiled faintly. "Thanks. I...don't think I would have made it if it wasn't for you and Arjun." When I was younger, I had always wished Ms. Harlow was my mom, and Arjun was my real brother. I wanted so badly to be a part of their family. I was always at their house, and they were practically my real family, but it just wasn't the same. Even as a little kid, I always felt out of place.
"I want to say you can believe her," Ms. Harlow said. "But I don't know how much she has changed. If she has changed at all. When I saw her the other day, I almost didn't recognize her. But I still wonder if she has changed on the inside."
"Yeah," I said, nodding. That was the hard part. My mother may look like a changed woman, but how could I be sure her heart was any different than before? "Do you think I should give her a chance? She...she said she was dying. If I don't give her a chance now, I won't be able to later."
Ms. Harlow raised her eyebrows. "She...she said she was dying?"
I had forgotten that she and the others hadn't heard that part of our conversation yet. I rubbed my hand across my mouth and nodded. "That's what she said. Cancer, I guess." I still couldn't tell whether I felt sad about that or not, but I knew, even after everything, I would still cry when she died. She was still my mother, no matter how much I could hate her.
Ms. Harlow seemed to consider this for a moment, then shook her head and sighed. "I can't say I'm surprised, if I'm being honest."
I nodded slightly. With all the drinking and smoking and who knows what else she'd done in her life, I couldn't really be surprised, either. "I guess not. But...what should I do?"
Ms. Harlow thought for a moment. "I want to say that you should give her a chance this time," she said. "But I know you have given her many chances before, and I don't want to see you get hurt again. But at the same time...if she really does want to set things right before she dies...I think you should take that chance."
It was the same conclusion I had reached, but I just couldn't make myself do it. If she hurt me again, I wasn't sure how I would be able to bear it. But if she died, and I never let her get any closer to me...would I regret that?
"The only thing I can say is to do what you feel is best," said Ms. Harlow. She opened her mouth to say more, but the door opened and Valerie, Veronica, and Keto came in with donut boxes.
"Food is here!" Keto said, grinning as he set the boxes on the counter.
Ms. Harlow gave me a small smile as she got up from the couch. "I know I'm not the same as a real mother, but I'll always be here for you, no matter what you decide," she whispered as she patted me on the shoulder.
I smiled back and nodded. I decided I would give myself until tomorrow morning to figure out what I would do about my mother.
For now, I wanted to hang out with my friends and forget about everything else.
_____________________________________________________
Thanks for reading!
Listen to "Walking On The Moon" by The Police!
Peace✌️~ A.J.
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