Ain't No Mountain High Enough

"Sweet Child O' Mine"

When we got back down to the parking garage, my mother was nowhere to be found. Maybe she wasn't here to see me after all? That had me half-relieved, half-aggravated. So this was a complete coincidence? She never wanted to see me? Then why had she called the other day? Maybe that was an accident, too. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became, and I knew it showed on my face.

"Well...," Keto said, rubbing the back of his neck as we all stood around outside the elevator in the parking garage. "Where'd she go?"

"She might have friends here," Veronica said, shrugging. "Maybe it was just a big fat coincidence?"

"Some coincidence!" Ms. Harlow said.

"A coincidence," I said, "paired with my rotten luck." I groaned and rubbed my hands over my face. Just when I was having a good time, this had to happen? Well, I wasn't going to let it ruin my day! I'd been practicing on that. It wasn't easy to do sometimes, but I knew I could if I tried. I didn't have to let my mother ruin things for me. Not again. Everyone had gone silent, though not the good kind. When I looked up, I realized why.

There was my mother, standing there all dressed up in a nice looking blouse and jeans. I didn't remember the last time I saw her looking so put together, and I couldn't stop my eyes from going wide.

My mother just stared at me with a frown. Was she mad to see me here? A thought struck me...what if she had moved to Boston after I found her, because she wanted to disappear again? My stomach turned, and it almost made me decide not to talk to her. But I forced myself to wheel towards her, leaving the others behind.

"Randall..." My mother's voice came out quiet as I approached her. She clutched the little purse she had hanging on one shoulder, and wouldn't meet my gaze.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. It was hard to keep the contempt out of my voice.

"I wanted to talk to you, and since you didn't answer the phone, I figured I might as well come see you in person."

"And how did you know where to find me?"

She gave me a guilty look. "I got Arjun to tell me."

I narrowed my eyes. Gee, thanks, Arjun! Hadn't he felt guilty for taking me to see her the first time? What was going on now?! "Why didn't you just wait for me to come back, then?"

"Because this is important," she said, and I realized she was close to crying. "Randall, I...I wanted to apologize. For everything. I know 'sorry' won't come close to covering everything, but...I want to try and make it up to you."

How could I believe that was really what she wanted? When I was a kid, my mother was manipulative and petty. She could make you believe anything was your fault when, in reality, it was hers. She could make you think she was the victim. She could make you think she wanted to make things right, but then the next day she would just go back to the abuse.

I couldn't do that anymore.

"I've heard that before," I said flatly. "You used to tell that to me all the time when I was young. I believed you every time. But then the next day, nothing had changed. I'm not going to believe you again."

She looked up, blinking furiously. I couldn't be sure whether this was all a pathetic act, or she really was upset. I could never know with her.

"You have no idea how much I would love to have you in my life, as a real mother to me," I said. "But I'm not so sure that can ever happen. Not after everything."

"Can you at least give me a chance?" she said, a strange sense of urgency in her voice. "There's so many things I want to make up to you. I'm trying to...to change myself, and the last thing I want to do is that."

I furrowed my brow. "What do you mean...last thing?"

She stared at the ground. She still hadn't looked me in the eyes this entire time. "I...I'm dying."

At first, I didn't think I had heard her right. But slowly, it hit me that this was no lie. I could tell by the look on her face that this was real. And then I couldn't figure out what to say. Somewhere, deep inside my heart, it made me feel sad. She was my mother, after all. But on the surface, it was hard to show how I really felt. So I just stared at her until she started talking again.

"I have a year, at the most," she said, her voice cracking. "They told me a few weeks ago, and I just...I couldn't bear the thought of having our last conversation be the one we had at my apartment. I don't want all of your memories of me to be bad ones."

I shrugged. "They aren't all bad. Just most of them."

"Well I don't want that."

"Nothing can change it now," I said, sighing. "But if you really want to make it up to me, then you'll have to show me instead of just telling me. Your words don't mean a thing to me. In fact, you could even be lying about you dying. How can I tell?"

"I have the medical records to prove it!" she said. She stopped to calm herself down, then pressed on. "I know you can't trust me, Randall. I don't blame you for that. But I promise I want to make this right. I'll prove it."

I nodded. "Go ahead."

Finally, she looked me straight in the eyes. "I will," she said in a soft voice, a tone I rarely heard from her. "You'll see."

I wondered if I would regret this. If she hurt me again, I didn't know what would happen. But honestly, if she was going to prove it, I wanted to see just what she would do.

So here went nothing.

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This is a little late thanks to the internet being down all day yesterday. But thanks for being patient, and for reading! 

Listen to "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns N' Roses!

Peace✌️~ A.J.