Ain't No Mountain High Enough

"Out of Touch"

When we got home, I locked myself in my room. I could hear Arjun's muffled voice coming through the door. Even though I couldn't pick out exactly what he was saying, I knew he was explaining what went down with my mother to Ms. Harlow. He was probably going to tell her about the panic attack, too. I couldn't bring myself to care.

I sat in my wheelchair in the corner of my bedroom. My face was buried in my hands, and I was trying to process everything that went on that day. Maybe I overreacted with my mother, but how could I be sure she really didn't want to see me again? She might have been sober and off of alcohol and whatever else she had been on, but did that really mean she wanted me back in her life? Why hadn't she tried to see me? Was she just making excuses when she said she thought I was the one who didn't want to see her?

But I knew that I did want to see her. I wanted her back in my life even if she did hurt me. If she could act like a real mother, then I wanted to see her every day. I wanted to make up for lost time.

I wasn't sure how much time passed before someone knocked on my door. Sighing, I rolled myself to the door and unlocked it, then let Arjun in. He had that worried look on his face that he only reserved for his friends or family, so I knew he was really bothered by what happened. And when Arjun was worried about something, the sky might as well come crashing down.

"Don't give me that look," I said. My voice was still scratchy, but it had been a while since I stopped crying. "I'll be fine."

"Except I know that's a lie," Arjun said. He came into my room and crossed his arms as I shut the door. He paced in a short line for a moment, then huffed a sigh. "You've got to do something about this. I've seen how you've been since the accident. You're not the same."

"How can I be?" I asked. Strangely, I didn't feel the internal volcano rumbling. Maybe I was just too tired to be angry now. Or maybe I was just accepting that he was right.

"I'm not saying that it's wrong," Arjun continued. "I wouldn't expect you to be the same, but I at least want you to be happy!"

I didn't know if I could be happy. It had been a long time since I was, and even though there were moments where I was happy, they were short lived. But I knew it went further back than the accident. I shook my head. "I want to be happy too, Arjun."

Arjun raked his fingers through his hair, which made it stick up in odd directions. If he saw himself in the mirror, I couldn imagine him being embarrassed about it. He usually had perfect hair. "You should go to therapy."

"How's that going to help?" I asked, leaning back in my chair. "What could a therapist do besides just listen to me? And then they'd tell me to take medicine. I don't want to take medicine in order to feel normal!"

"I don't know what they would do, but it's a start!" Arjun replied. He leaned against the wall. "I talked to my mom about it, and she thinks you should at least talk to us about how you feel. I know you. You've always bottled up everything and let it rot until you can't handle it anymore."

"I'm aware." I rubbed my face. I could feel myself losing the calm I had, and I really didn't feel like proving his point right then. "I'm just tired right now. It's been a long day, and I'd rather not think about any of it."

Arjun studied me for a moment. I couldn't read his expression, but I could tell he was annoyed with me at least a little bit. Could I really blame him?

I waved my hand at him. "I just want to go to sleep now."

Arjun shrugged. "Mom's making dinner."

"I'm not hungry." I wasn't lying. I still felt sick from the car ride, and I just wanted to close my eyes and forget that day ever happened.

I was thankful when Arjun didn't argue. He helped me get into bed, then left me alone. It's what I thought I wanted. Being alone, I mean. But after he left, I was stuck with the thoughts in my head with nothing to drown them out.

It's safe to say that I didn't get a lick of sleep that night.

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Hey guys! Sorry this is a little late! I hope you enjoy this part!

Give "Out of Touch" by Hall and Oates some love!

Peace✌️~ A.J.