Ain't No Mountain High Enough

"Time After Time"

 The Harlows held a traditional Christmas party for the entire street a week before Christmas. I wasn't feeling much like hanging around a bunch of strangers, so I hung out in my room for the most part. It felt childish, but I wasn't sure I could be civil in a conversation. I could hear laughter and talking outside my closed door. It became background noise as I searched for a job online.

Halfway through the party, the door cracked open and Ms. Harlow peeked in. "Randall, are you okay in here?"

"You can come in," I said, looking over my shoulder at her. "I'm fine. I was just looking for a job."

Ms. Harlow came in and shut the door behind her. She was smiling, but in a disapproving way, if that was possible. "While a party's going on? You've got to relax, dear."

"I'm sorry, but I'm not feeling much like seeing people," I admitted. I felt bad for saying so.

"Maybe it would do you some good to meet some people," she continued. She raised an eyebrow. "Maybe one of them would know about a job for you?"

Well, she had me there. It was possible. I shut my laptop and started to wheel myself out of the room. "I guess I'll give socializing a try, then," I said with a small smile. "After all that work you did to put on this party, I might as well take part in it."

Ms. Harlow opened the door for me. "That's more like it!"

Even though the house was pretty small, half of the street was crammed into it with room to spare. Children ran around with Santa hats on, and adults stood around talking with each other. Ms. Harlow vanished into the kitchen, and I sat outside my room staring at the small crowd of partygoers. Panic started to rise in my chest, and it felt like someone was squeezing my lungs.

"There you are," Arjun said. He had a glass of eggnog in his hands and a hint of annoyance in his eyes. I was introverted, but Arjun just didn't like people in general, so he was probably enjoying this as much as I was.

I gave a nervous laugh. "Yep. Your mom talked me into coming out."

Arjun rolled his eyes. "Bad idea," he said. A flock of small children rushed past, and it was by a pure stroke of luck that none of Arjun's eggnog sloshed out of his cup when they brushed past him. "These kids are about to drive me up the walls!"

I smirked. "Aw, lighten up a little," I said in a mocking tone.

He shook his head, then gestured to the living room. "You can go hang out there if you want. Most of the people are in the dining room."

"Thanks," I murmured. I waited until he was out of my way to head that way. As I went, I felt like everyone was staring at me, and that didn't help the anxiety boiling in my chest. I told myself it was just my imagination and went on my way.

Arjun was right about the living room. An older guy I recognized to be Arjun's grandfather and a toddler were sitting on the couch, and a couple kids were laying underneath the Christmas tree. Seeing them gave me a sudden flashback of me and Arjun doing the very same thing when we were little. I had to blink to bring myself back to reality.

"Randall, is that you?" Arjun's grandfather, or Grandpa Nate as I knew him, said as I wheeled myself up to the couch. "You're all grown up!" He grinned and offered his hand to me.

I shook it, feeling some of my anxiety fade. "Yep, it's me."

"Carlie told me what happened a few months ago." He leaned back on the couch and studied me with a scrutinizing gaze. I could barely take him seriously with the outrageous Christmas sweater he was wearing. It literally had battery powered Christmas lights all over it. "How are you?"

"I'm doing...well." I cursed the hesitation in my voice and hoped he bought my lie. "Yourself?"

Grandpa Nate nodded slowly. "That's good to hear. I'm doing well, too. Just hanging out with my granddaughter to make sure she doesn't cause any trouble." He gestured to the toddler sitting next to him, who was coloring furiously in a Christmas coloring book. It took me a moment to remember Arjun's Aunt Claris, who must have been the toddler's mother.

"She looks to be behaving herself to me," I said, smiling at the little girl. She didn't look up from her book.

"Thank God for that. Usually she's a little Tasmanian devil." Grandpa Nate shook his head. "Anyway, have you heard from your mother lately?"

I felt my heart skip a bit. For a moment, I could only sit there, unresponsive. Grandpa Nate took my silence as my answer.

"You should try to find her," he said, scratching at his white beard. "You know, I've always wondered if Carlie should track down that good for nothing ex of hers just to show him how much he's missed from Arjun's life. I don't know if it would offer any closure for her or Arjun. Maybe it would for you, though, if you tracked down your mother."

"I've been thinking about it, actually," I admitted. I stared down at my hands. "But...I'm afraid. She could be dead by now, or maybe she wouldn't want to see me."

"It's a possibility," he said, nodding. "But you never know. Maybe she's turned herself around and is just afraid that you don't want to see her, which is why she hasn't reached out herself."

I nodded slowly. I've been throwing that possibility around in my mind, but it didn't give me much courage. But...maybe he was right. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. I had been debating trying to find her for the last two weeks. Maybe it was finally time that I went for it. "Thank you," I said, finally meeting his eyes. They looked to be full of wisdom. "I...I think I'll try. Maybe it will give me closure."

Grandpa Nate gave me a reassuring smile. "And Randall, if she doesn't want to see you, then you simply deserve someone better to call family. Like this family? Carlie was the one who took care of you and loved you as a mother should. As far as I'm concerned, we are your family."

For the first time in weeks, there was warmth in my chest where a ball of ice usually resided. I felt tears come to my eyes, but I forced them back. "Yeah," I said with a slight nod. "I know. I've always known that."

I made up my mind with one hundred percent certainty that I would do my best to track down my mother. Maybe it wouldn't end well, but that would be okay. I had an actual family to go back to, and that was what mattered.

That didn't take away the fact that seeing her again would sting.

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Thanks for reading!

Listen to Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time"!

Peace ✌️~ A.J.