Ain't No Mountain High Enough

"Down Under"

Arjun sat back in his chair, his hands clasped. "You haven't been well," he said in a hoarse voice. "I mean...maybe I should have tried talking to you more, but..."

"It's not you, or your mom," I said with as much confidence I could get into my voice. The last thing I wanted was for Arjun and Ms. Harlow to blame themselves for my mental state getting out of hand. I didn't remember falling (and I still don't to this day), but I knew I must have tried to walk. Had I gotten so done with everything that I actually tried to get up? What did I think would happen?

"I still could have tried to help you more than I did. I feel like I only made things worse," he said. He gave me one of his guilty looks. I barely ever saw it on his face, and it looked odd. "Like I shouldn't have encouraged you to find your mom."

"That..." I was about to say it didn't have anything to do with what was happening, but yeah, seeing my mom didn't help matters for me. It just brought me closer to the edge. But again, that wasn't Arjun's fault. It was anything but Arjun's fault. I took a deep breath and tried to explain things the best I could. "I know I should have opened up more, but...I just didn't know how, and things just kept...escalating. The car accident, stuff with my mom..." I stared upwards. Seeing the white plaster of the ceiling still made my heart pound even though I knew that this wasn't like last time, when I was here because of the wreck.

"Why didn't you say something?" he asked.

"I don't know..." I shrugged. "It just feels...pathetic, I guess. That I'm like this."

"It's not pathetic, Randall," Arjun said with a roll of his eyes. "It's anything but pathetic."

I closed my eyes. "I...I just feel like such a burden..."

"Randall!" Arjun cried, his face going red. "You have never been a burden! You didn't ask to get in that wreck, and we don't blame you for it! If anything, we blame ourselves for it! But I swear to you, we have never once thought of you as a burden!" He lowered his voice. "Mom would have a heart attack if she ever heard you say that!"

I blew out a tired sigh. "I just wish things could be different..."

Arjun was silent for a moment. I watched him, seeing the gears in his mind turning. He sat back in his chair and squeezed his eyes shut. Finally, after a moment passed, he opened them again. "They can be," he said quietly. "Randall, you need to see a counselor...anyone who could help you. Maybe they can't help get you out of the wheelchair, but they can help you with the anxiety, and everything else."

I wanted to argue, but lying there in the hospital bed, I knew he was right. I'd always known he was right, but the thought of going to see a therapist just scared me.

Charlotte Henderson.

Doctor Phillips had given me the card with her name and number on it months ago, and I had thrown it in the trash. It was long gone now, but maybe I could find her online. Maybe I could finally just do as the doctor suggested months ago. If I had, maybe all this would have never happened?

I inhaled, held my breath for a few seconds, then exhaled. "All right," I said in a trembling voice. "I'll see someone..."

"We'll discuss that later," Arjun said, standing. "For now, you need to rest so the concussion will heal. You're lucky you weren't hurt worse."

"I...okay..." My head hurt too much to argue, and honestly, rest sounded pretty good considering that I hadn't slept, besides getting knocked out. But that didn't count.

Arjun left the room, and I was alone again. But somehow, my spirits felt a bit lighter than before.

From here on out, I could only go up, right?

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Listen to "Down Under" by Men At Work!

Peace✌️~ A.J.