Ain't No Mountain High Enough

"If I Could Turn Back Time"

Outside, the house looked like a winter wonderland. Arjun hung up the icicle lights on the roof and a huge wreath on the garage. I helped Ms. Harlow put these little candy cane light things along the driveway and most of the sidewalk. After setting up the light-up reindeers in the front lawn, I wouldn't have been surprised if the house itself caused the clouds to open up and start up a snowstorm. There was no two ways about it, the Harlows had the best decorated house on the street.

"Anything else?" Arjun asked as he put a hammer back into a toolbag. He wiped sweat from his forehead with his sleeve.

"Oh, no, it looks perfect," Ms. Harlow replied. Her eyes sparkled with the reflections of thousands of Christmas lights.

"In that case, I'm off to work." Arjun grabbed the toolkit and headed inside.

"What do you think, Randall?" Ms. Harlow turned to me with a grin, and I couldn't help but smile back even though the thought of my parents were still hanging over my head.

"I think Santa would be jealous his house doesn't look this Christmasy," I said with a chuckle.

Ms. Harlow clasped her hands together. "Oh, Christmas is my most favorite time of year," she said. It almost sounded like she was saying it more to herself than anyone else. "When Arjun was little, it was his favorite, too... I always tried so hard to give him a good Christmas every year."

"You did," I said, smiling faintly. "And not only him, but me too. Some years I wouldn't have had Christmas at all without you."

She smiled at me, then gestured for me to come inside. "I don't want you catching a cold."

I was pretty sure that wasn't going to happen, but I did what she said. A few minutes later, we said our goodbyes to Arjun when he left for work, and I sat in the living room by the fire with a mug of hot chocolate in my hands. I couldn't stop staring at the ornament with my family's picture in it. It didn't make me happy. There was just...an empty feeling in my chest, like I had missed out on something that should have been the best time of my life.

It's A Wonderful Life was playing on the TV. When I finally looked away from the ornament to watch it, some of the bad feelings I had went away. It was incredibly cozy in the little room, with the Christmas tree, the leg lamp, and the Christmas lights hanging around. The fireplace was heating up the place, and the only thing that would have made it better was if it was snowing. I didn't think that would happen with it only being forty degrees outside, though.

"You've been quiet ever since we decorated the tree this morning," Ms. Harlow said when she entered the room. She had her own mug of hot chocolate. She sat down on the little sofa to watch TV. "Is everything all right?"

I bit my lip and debated telling the truth, but I ended up nodding my head. "Yeah," I said, slowly. "Just...been thinking a lot, I guess."

"It's that ornament, isn't it?" she said. Ugh, there was no hiding things from her. She nodded her head towards it. "You don't have to leave it there if it bothers you, Randall."

"It's...not that, really," I said. I couldn't meet her gaze. "It's just...I don't know."

She was silent for a moment, then her eyes lit up like she thought of something. "You know...I bet you could track your mother down," she said. "I don't know if you'd want to see her, but...maybe you should. Maybe it would give you closure?"

I grimaced at the thought. Even if I did find her, what if she didn't want to see me? How much more hurt could I take? But I couldn't deny there was a curious part of me that wanted to see where she was today. Was she still an alcoholic? Did she ever straighten up? But if she had, wouldn't she have tried to find me? Or...what if she was trying to find me, and she just hadn't yet? It probably wasn't true, but it made me feel better. A little, at least.

"Maybe..." I shrugged. "I'll think about it."

Ms. Harlow gave me a small smile, then started watching the movie again. On TV, George Bailey was at the bridge, contemplating jumping into the icy river and ending his life.

All at once, something gripped my heart as I watched that scene, and I didn't like it.

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Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!

Listen to "If I Could Turn Back Time" by Cher!

Peace ✌️~ A.J.