The Lost Reaper

Chapter Twenty-six

"Lucca, wait!"

Umalis ako sa tabi ni Kenjie para sundan si Lucca pero pinahinto ako ni Diem.

"If you go out of that door, it means you really are a traitor."

Napahinto ako. If I go out, isa lang ang pupuntahan ko. Sa kulungan. Pero ano naman ang magagawa ko to redeem myself? Nahuli na ako ma kasama ko kagabi si Kenjie sa iisang kwarto. Kahit pa manatili ako dito at hindi sundan si Lucca, sa kulungan pa rin bagsak ko.

Umiling ako at napapikit. I'm already screwed. What can go worse?

Pinili kong lumabas para sundan si Lucca. Hindi ko na pinakinggan yung pagtawag nila sa akin. Hinanap ng mga mata ko si Lucca and I finally caught him so I ran as fast as I can para maabutan siya.

"Lucca, wait!"

Hindi siya huminto at nagpatuloy lang sa paglakad. Pinagtitinginan na ako ng mga reapers but I could only care less. Alam kong maabutan ko siya. When I did, I pulled his wrist to face me. He had tears on his cheeks.

"Lucca..."

"You kissed me last night," he said. Tumaas yung tingin niya sa akin.

"I didn't regret doing it."

"Why did you kiss me?"

Kumibit-balikat ako. "I felt like doing it."

"You felt like doing it because you were drunk," mapait siyang ngumiti. "And I really believed that there's something else."

Tumalikod siya para lumayo sa akin pero pinaharap ko ulit siya sa akin.

"Teka lang. Mag-usap muna tayo."

"Anong pag-uusapan natin?"

"Let's talk this out, hmm? Ayokong mag-away tayo."

He scoffed. "What were you expecting me to feel? Alam mong may gusto ako sa'yo. I didn't even thought of you liking me back kasi alam kong may gusto ka sa putragis na Kenjie na 'yun. But you kissed me last night. Somehow, deep inside, you gave me hope. Maybe you like me too. Bakit mo naman ako hahalikan, diba? I told you you were drunk but you said that you're not regretting it. Sino ang hindi aasa? You are giving me hope thinking that you feel something towards me!"

Tears started streaming down his face. Pati na din ako ay napaluha na. My heart aches. The audacity of me feeling pain. Ako yung nanakit at nagawa ko pang umiyak?

"You kissed me the same night you slept with another guy. What do you think I would feel? Happy? Ecstatic?" He scoffed. "Oo. Alam kong walang tayo pero pinaramdam mo sa akin na ginamit mo lang ako. A pass time, perhaps. Kasi hindi mo na nakita ng Bishop mo."

"Lucca..."

"Don't say my name, please." Pinahiran niya yung luha niya sa mukha at huminga ng malalim. "Do you love him?"

Napakurap ako sa tanong niya. Mahal ko ba si Kenjie? Noong una, kung tatanungin ako, I will surely say yes. Pero ngayon hindi ko na alam.

"Hindi ko alam..."

He inhaled deeply before asking again.

"Do you love me?"

Napayuko ako. Hindi ko alam kung paano siya sasagutin. Gulong-gulo na ako ngayon. Ang alam ko lang ay komportable ako kapag kasama siya. Like I feel safe when I'm with him. Hindi ako sigurado kung mahal ko ba siya.

"Hindi ako sigurado..."

Tumingala ako sa kanya at umiwas siya ng tingin at tumango. Tumulo yung luha niya at gusto kong punasan but what right do I have?

"Okay," tango niya. "At least you're telling me what angle to look at."

"And where is that?"

"To the picture that I'm not gonna have you."

He faked a smile before turning around and walked away. Wala na akong lakas pa para sundan siya o pigilan man siya. Ang kapal naman ng mukha ko kapag ginawa ko 'yun. All I feel is guilt and hatred to myself.

Nagsimula na akong maglakad na walang kaalam-alam kung saan tutungo. Pinabayaan ko nalang ang aking mga paa kung saan ako dadalhin nito. Natagpuan ko nalang ang sarili kong nakaupo sa buhangin, sa ilalim ng puno habang nakatingin sa kawalan.

I screwed up really bad. They found out that my loyalty still belongs to the Bishop. Galit pa sa akin si Lucca. Don't get me started with what might Kenjie feels towards me.

"I know that I'll find you here."

Lumingon ako sa pinanggalingan ng boses at nakitang papalapit sa akin si Via.

"Huh?"

"Mukhang ganun pa rin tayo. Parehas pa rin yung daloy ng pag-iisip natin. I always come this area when something's bothering me."

Umupo siya sa tabi ko at pinabayaan ko naman. Napadpad yung tingin ko sa kamay niya na may dalang handcuffs. I know that it's for me.

"Bracelets for me?" biro ko.

"That obvious?"

Kumibit-balikat ako. "Don't worry. Hindi ako tatakbo. Just give me time to think and collect myself."

Tumango siya at pinabayaan ako. I look ay the horizon again. Buti nalang hindi na din siya umimik. It's a big help.

"You've been in love, right?" Biglang tanong ko sa kanya.

"Up until now, oo."

I sighed.

"How would you know that you love a person?"

"Simple. Gusto mong palagi siyang kasama."

Gusto kong makasama si Lucca kasi komportable ako sa kanya. I feel home when I'm with him. At the same time, gusto ko ding makasama si Kenjie. The feel of a familiar feeling of a lover you want to spend the whole day with. Nakakalito!

"Ano pa?"

"Hmm. You love the touch of him against your skin. Your heart flutters and feel the butterflies."

Gusto ko yung yakap ni Kenjie. Hinahanap ko ito, matagal na. Pero nung niyakap ko kagabi si Lucca, ganun din yung nararamdaman ko. Parang hinahanap ko na din.

"This is frustrating!" Sinabunutan ko yung sarili. I've never been so confused in my entire life.

"It can be confusing, I know."

"How would you know?"

She shrug her shoulders. "I've been there. Naguguluhan din ako kina Noah and Cato before."

Agad akong napalingon sa kanya. No wonder Noah was being possessive of her. May past naman talaga sila ni Cato.

"How did you end up with Noah?"

"It just happened. Darating yung panahon na makikita mo na mas matimbang pa yung isa."

"Pero ayokong masaktan 'yung isa kapag nangyari 'yun."

"It's love, Anna. May masasaktan talaga. Love feels good but it can hurt you so bad. Look at yourself, look at the three of you. Hindi pa nga kayo nagsisimula, nasasaktan na ka'yo."

Napakagat-labi ako. She's not wrong. Sa huli, may masasaktan talaga. And it depends to who will be hurt, and who will go home with a smile on the face.