shitnanigans

another drabbl

"... you can't do this to her! She's just a kid, Naro, you can't say something like that!"

"But what are we supposed to do!? I can't be a good father to her, I don't know what to do, I can't provide anything for you and her, for us."

"Is it my fault then? Is it my fault for bringing her to this world!? Is she just a burden then? A mistake?"

"No!- I- ... fuck!"

The male figure groaned, frustrated, running his hands in his hair and gripping hard. The woman in front had her arms crossed, glossy eyes glaring at the man without taking it off for a second. The man looks back again, and his posture slightly slumps down, speaking up, "...yes. It's your fault... AND mine."

They became silent and their gazes fell down. The atmosphere was heavy, and depressing, they didn't know what else to say. The man breathes out, "We were both reckless, and stupid. We weren't prepared."  "But still..." The woman murmurs, her grip on her arms tightening.

"We have to do our best for her... We can't just abandon her so we can live our lives like the way it was. You'll face the guilt and pain of living your kid behind." The man averts his gaze briefly but then nods slowly, "I know... I said that in the heat of the moment, I'm sorry."  "You're gonna need something more than sorry if you want me, or especially her to forgive you."

"Ma...ma..?"

Both their eyes instantly turn to the kid fearfully watching from the door of her bedroom. Her big and innocent eyes were brimming with tears while she hugs her teddy bear close to her chest. The mother rushes to her without missing a beat, kneeling on both knees and cupping her cheeks. "W-what is it, dear?" Her voice trembles as the feeling of her kid shaking and holding her tears in.

But eventually, they come streaming down her eyes. With a sniffle, she stammers and asks, "Am I a mistake, mama..? Should I not be in this world?" Her tearful eyes turn to her father's, "You and papa were yelling, and I think you were talking about me..." She buries her face on the back of her stuff toy, as she feels her mom's warm hands hold her arms gently.

The father looks away in shame and the mother shakes in disappointment to herself. She takes her kid in her arms and rests her hand on her hair, slowly and gently stroking her hand down. "I..." She swallows the lump that formed in her throat, and her voice shakes as she speaks, "I'm sorry..."

She starts to hiccup and sob, and she holds her kid closer. "You are supposed to be in this world. You're supposed to live and love your life." She shakily exhales a deep breath, "We can't give you that life. We aren't competent enough. We aren't strong enough..." She pulls away as both of their tearing eyes meet, "I'm sorry...

"We can't be the parents you deserve."

She wakes up with her heart pounding and her body trembling. What was that dream...? She felt goosebumps rise from her skin and she grips to her arms. Trying to catch her breath, she closes her eyes and attempts to empty her mind. But that dream kept her questioning. Who were those people? What were they saying?

Drops of cold tear stains and dries on her blanket, and she shivers. It was all just a dream, right? She didn't know who those people were. Even if she did, she probably doesn't remember. They said they were her parents..? They have been dead years ago. And how could've she had such a bittersweet talk when all she could remember were the pain and scars they gave.

But perhaps, if they were truly her parents... maybe, they could've talked about it more. Maybe if they tried to help each other figure it all out. Maybe if they tried to support each other regardless of their position. Maybe... maybe... things would've gone better for her and them. She sighs and hugs her legs close. That was only wishful thinking.

After a few more deep breaths, she lies back down on her bed. She takes her trusty teddy bear in her arms and buries her face on the back of it. She drifts off to sleep once more.

i honestly dont know where i was going with this