Guessing (Charles Xavier)

11. Heartbeats

I wake up drowsily, not remembering falling at all- just flashes of pain. My head has been slammed on the ground of the plane, and I find myself alone.

Charles.

It takes a ridiculous amount of focus for me to get back up on my feet. I rush out of the plane to see everyone on the team standing on the beach, facing... Facing Erik. He's levitating in the air by supporting himself on the metal around us, and a graphite helmet is on his head.

The most gruesome sight, though, is Shaw. He's also suspended in the air, but by the metal that is wrapped around his wrists, and in a crucifix position, with a slit through his forehead, dripping a little bit of blood.

He's dead.

And it was my fault.

Erik is speaking but all I can hear is the pounding of my blood in my ears, like a gruesome battle song inside of me.

I feel my legs collapse again and I'm sinking in the sand. There are thousands of missiles pointing at me like faces at a funeral accusing the murderer. I killed Shaw.

No one's attention is on me and I'm thankful because I'm a mess. Erik has his hand out, as if he has the world in the palm of his hand, and all of the missiles are turning to face the thousands of innocent men in the ships.

"Erik, stop," I manage to say, and he finally glances at me.

"Haven, how nice of you to join us."

"Drop the fucking missiles, you murderer."

"Those humans think of us as monsters. There's nothing we can do to change their minds-"

"Prove them wrong!" I scream, fists in the sand and head still throbbing from my fall earlier. "You can prove them wrong. Yet you're still standing here with thousands of lives in your hand and you're willing to sacrifice them all to prove them right. They're all right, at least about you. You're a monster. The rest of us aren't-"

"You're just like Charles," Erik scoffs. "Trying to save humanity and mutants at the same time. It's one or the other, Haven. Don't get too greedy."

"This isn't greed," I say quietly. "This is having a fucking heart."

Suddenly I see Moira come from out of the plane with a gun in her hand. A force field instinctively forms around me as I protect myself.

"Moira, those are metal bullets!" I try to say, but she doesn't hear me past the shots and the adrenaline. Some of the missiles in the air burst harmlessly in the air as Erik looses focus, and he deflects the bullets.

One bounces off my force field, and I'm relieved until I see where it is headed.

The deflected bullet flies directly towards Charles.

It's as if everything is moving in slow motion as I see the impact and his scream and I can almost feel his pain inside of my head.

I watch as his body collapses in the sand and I suddenly find the strength to stand and run towards his limp body.

"Charles," I whimper, collapsing over his. "Charles, shit, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you, I'm so sorry."

"Get away!" Erik says, throwing me off of Charles. "Get away. This is your fault."

I'm face first in the sand, watching missiles burst in the air like fireworks on New Years. Charles is saying something faintly in the background but all I can do is start crying on the ground, until I find myself so tired that I can't cry anymore.

It's my fault.