Crystal Clear

Chapter Thirty Two

GABBY

Insecurities.

Everyone has them, although nobody wants them. They are definitely one of those things that come from habit. Or environment. Some shit like that.

I have to admit, whenever I'm in the press, or TV, or even with my mom, I feel so self-conscious and insecure, anxiety driving me up the wall, I just hate the feeling so much.

And, like today, for example.

I wake up from a good sleep, do my running, take a shower, hang with Dee, then my dad calls me downstairs. He said that my mom is on the phone, which got my hope drowning, my heart beating, my palms sweating, and my insecurities totally resurrected. I grab the cordless phone from his hand and then I ran back upstairs to my bedroom, shutting the door behind me.

"Hi mom!" I tried to sound excited.

"Hey. Have a question. Can you talk?"

"Sure, go ahead." I sounded nice.

"I heard that you're talking and hanging out with some Spanish kid a lot," she began.
"And?"
"Well, you didn't tell me this, did you? How old is he?"
"Seventeen." I said flatly.
"Does he know you're actually Crystal?"
"No." By that question she meant does he know that I'm really Crystal. No, he does not know that but he does know my insides and true personality.

"Listen up, Crystal. I don't want any monkey business going on over there. If anything happens, you are coming back home immediately. I swear to God," my mom curses over the phone. I know, I know, I heard this talk a thousand times. I think she's just paranoid. After two hours of talking to her, I finally was able to hang up the phone.

See, I wish that life was like a jacket. Like, I don't want to be Crystal anymore. I wish I could hang it up like a jacket. Be done with it. Toss it out. Get a new one. I wish I could forget her. I wish I could make her nothing. As the wise old woman always said, you are not given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true.

I guess that some wishes take more willpower than others.