Crystal Clear

Chapter Twenty One

GABBY

"Why not?"

"I have a dad who just happens to be your boss," he shrugs.

"Your dad likes me."

"As an employee," I correct. He gives me a crooked smile.

"You can keep a secret, can't you?" Moe teases. More than he'd ever know.

"You... what, want me to have a secret... relationship with you?" I ask, hesitating, he nods, still flashing his gorgeous smile. Sooo tempting...

"I can't," I shake my head. This wouldn't work. I'm going back at the end of summer.

"You can," he retorts.

"Fine," I mumble. I give in. His body is basically on top of mine, his muscles pulsing against my frame, his eyes locked on mine. It's hard to resist, but I also don't want to resist. Maybe he's right, maybe we can figure this out.

"So we're dating," he states.

Here comes that feeling I thought I'd long forgotten. That feeling of belonging, ownership and no escape. It was like... panic. It drew the walls in close. It brought the ceiling down within a centimeter of my scalp. There was brick dust underneath my fingernails, amassing by the second. I could taste the dampness of the wooden stairs, as if thousands of spores of mold were settling on my tongue, fungi taking root on my taste buds. It was like the roots from beneath the earth had come through the floor boards and tied around my feet and were trying to drag me through the floor boards as well, down beneath the earth into the very depths of hell. I had to close my eyes against the darkness to fend off the notion that it wasn't merely an absence of light but a living black fluid, seeping into my eyeballs, pulsing up my optic nerves towards the center of my brains.

I can't stand it.

... and these are the types of thoughts that go through my imagination, through my nervous mind. Maybe I was being a teensy bit dramatic, I mean, but I'm dating Moe.

"Gabby? Hellooo?" Moe says, waving his hands in front of my face to get my attention.

"Yes?" I snap back into reality.

"Who is allowed to know about...us?"
"Nobody... nobody is." His lips become a straight line as he processes.

"But... whyyy?" he whines.

"Because! Moe, back in jersey... I know about two thousand people and...and here, that's not even how many people live here!" he rolls his eyes.

"Fine, tomorrow night can you come over for a candlelit dinner?" I contemplate his offer.

"What time?"
"Nine?" he's smiling. I sigh.

"Alright. Nine o'clock it is," he's grinning.

"Awesome," I hear Chanelle calling us from downstairs.

"Moe, I'm taking you home right?" she asks him when we reach the top of the stairs.

"Yes!"
"Bye Dave, honey, see you Gabby," Chanelle says to my dad, then to me. I wave. Moe gives me a wink and then shakes hands with my dad.

Afterwards, my dad asks me to come sit with him at the kitchen table.
"Gabby, you seem to be having a good time here," Dave began. I nod.

"Hanging out with Moe a lot though, aren't you?" I nod.

"Didn't you say that I should be friends with him?" I know I sound defensive.

"Yes, I did say friends... you guys are still... only friends, right?" I nod, again. I hate parents that only act parental when they feel like it.

"Obviously. What else would we be?" I'm scoffing.

"Nothing, I'm just wondering. Oh, and Gabby, don't let that Shannon girl get to you," my dad advises.

"I know, I know."
"Just keep your head held high kiddo, because people like her are just killing to see girls like you fail,"

"Yeah, especially in Jersey. But dad, I think that I'm actually starting to enjoy Stanfield. Just making the best of it."
"I know. I can tell." Anyone could see the hope that fills my father's eyes as I tell him that, and that is when I realize my dad thought there was a possibility of me staying here. To keep him company, to help him with Matty.

"I'm glad to hear it Gabs," he's smiling. I probably just made his whole year.

See, I have a few theories of why my dad doesn't give us as many rules in his house. He doesn't normally give me a curfew, besides the lake, because he wants me to have fun. Well, safely have fun. He wants me to hang out with Moe because he knows that Moe is super popular and he wants me to make friends so that they'll beg me to stay here as well, or so that even if I do leave to go back home I'll make sure to come visit often. Or he wants to know that other people miss me as well, so then he won't be so alone in his feelings. Also, he probably wants me to get closer to Matty. Matty is only my half-brother. He's six, I'm sixteen. Yes, I know their whole story is a mess.

When I said goodbye to my dad and then tucked Matty in, I went upstairs to my bedroom and laid down in my bed, staring up at the ceiling now.

I don't know what I want from Moe. No, actually, I do. I want to be the girl he gives his hoodie to wear and cuddles up against me when it's cold. I want him to be the one who wraps his arms around my waist, catching me off guard and whispers you look beautiful.

That's what I want from Moe. 

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- Eleni