Crystal Clear

Chapter Thirty Three

GABBY

A fresh start. My dad asked if I wanted to work at the bakery. I told him no. I'm not the working type, if you understand what I'm getting at. I'm just... not made for it. But trust me, I am really starting to realize just how much these service workers do. Like, it's a lot. Like, a lot-lot.

Moe is such a hard worker.

My dad is short handed at the bakery though, something going on with the cooks. Unfortunately, I can't help. I just don't have the mental capacity to deal with it. He said something is going on with Moe's family, he really isn't sure what exactly. Looks like it'll wind up being him and Chanelle at the shop. Sucks.

I text Moe to find out what's going on.

Call me.

That's all he writes back. My stomach kind of drops, that's so nerve-wracking, what's going on?? I start to feel a bit anxious and my nerves are running high.

I call him.

"Hey, you okay?" I ask him kindly. I'm met with dead silence.

"I'm fine, honestly. But if I'm being honest, I'm also... I'm also not fine at all, my... my niece, Ana, Ariana, she uh, she has a super rare blood cancer and she just... she's not doing well... it's spreading and..." he couldn't finish the sentence. I felt so sorry for him.

"I'm so sorry, Moe, is there anything I could do to help?"

I could hear him gasping for air on the other end.

"No, no. It's okay. My sister, she's... she's going to try to fundraise at our church... it's... it's crushing, really. My mom is going to apply for a second mortgage to see if she can get enough money for the medical bills my sister is getting... the treatment..." his voice broke. My heart was hurting. I couldn't stand this, not being able to help.

"She uh--she also joined a foundation actually, I guess it's similar to Make-a-Wish? It's called StarChild. Basically they pick, like, three celebrities that they want to meet and they could end up meeting all three, but typically at least one," he tells me. I was super familiar with that. Ever since I was on the childhood TV show drama, The Reel Life, I get requests from StarChild all the time to make appearances. I'm not saying I always do them... I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the idea... but like... I hate seeing kids sick. And I know I sound terrible saying that, but I really hate seeing sick kids. I mean, I hate seeing sick old people and sick middle aged people too, but there's something about sick children that really hurts my heart. So. I try to do StarChild, but I do turn down requests as well because like, my heart hurts.

And yes. I can recognize now, as Moe is telling me about his sweet little niece, how that's so fucking selfish of me.

"Do you know who she picked as her three?" I ask him curiously. Maybe I know them! I could totally speak to someone on behalf of sweet little Ariana to get them to go!

"Yes, she actually just picked one. If you're familiar with The Reel Life, it's a TV show we would always watch together back in the day, but if you're familiar with it, there's an actress..." I felt my world slowing... "Her name is Crystal, Crystal Boyd. Have you heard of her? I don't know, my niece is obsessed. She said she'd watch Tik Toks of Diamond and Crystal all the time, but... that's who she chose! No Johnny Depp or someone here," he told me. I-- I didn't know what to say. I couldn't contain my thoughts.

I could barely make any audible sound at all, my heart hurt so much and my head... well...

"I'm sure she'd go," I tried to sound reassuring. I think I sounded like I was on the verge of a panic attack instead.

"Hopefully! I'm going to Tweet her and see if she responds. She's usually active on Twitter..." he trails off.

I'm holding my breath, but finally, he asks me when will we see each other next.

"I actually think we can see each other this weekend if you want?"

"Yes! I'm playing soccer Friday night. Want to come to the game?"

"Definitely!" I tell him. He seems happy and excited.

I'm terrified. I'm drained. My heart hurts for this poor child. My head hurts for the logistics of seeing this child and his family not recognizing me. I think that they'd figure it out. And what if Moe gets a clear look at how Crystal looks? What if he realizes... what if he realizes that I've been lying to him?

The thought hurts my chest.

"Shit, my mom's calling me, I've got to go," Moe says, "Alright, bye!" I hang up quickly. I breathe in, a deep sigh of relief.

It's a visceral reaction in my gut, a sinking feeling that is coming over me. I'm on the verge of collapse here.

Deanna is out with Joe again. I call her.

"Dee," I say as soon as she picks up.

"What's up?" I could hear her chewing.

"Can you please come home? I'm not okay, I need you right now." I feel my voice getting shaky, tears welling in my eyes.

"I'll be right there," she tells me, clicking off.

My arms are shaking and I could feel myself spinning out of control, derealization setting in, taking over my body, my anxiety crawling up my spine and slithering through my muscles like a snake. Deep breaths, deep breaths, I try to tell myself. I really do love Moe. I don't want to lose him. I should've just been honest with him. He's going to hate me.

I'm nothing like he thought I was.