drowning || bang chan

• twelve •

Changbin shut the door quietly and told Katerina to sit down on the bed in the middle of the room. She more kind of threw herself onto it rather than sitting but it still worked.

"Bin." Kat suddenly said bluntly while sitting up.

"Hm?" he hummed, taken aback by the change in her demeanour.

"Do you love Felix?" she questioned, Changbin's eyes widened at the question. He shifted uncomfortably unsure of how to answer the sudden question.

"Rina, why is that relevant?"

"Because, Bin, if you're in love, you can tell me how it feels." she responded, looking hopeful he could give her some insight into her own feelings towards Chan.

"Well," Changbin began, trying to think of the best way to word his explanation, "love is complicated, as are any romantic feelings, but to me Felix is comfortable," he continued, Kat was nodding and listening intently to his words, "He never makes me feel uncomfortable and never makes me question my worth, he feels like a safe place for me, almost like he completes me."

Kat pulled a face full of confusion, Changbin noticed this and, of course, questioned it.

"So, how do you know when you feel like that about someone?" Kat asked, quite innocently.

Changbin could feel sadness welling up inside him, upset about the fact that his best friend was so bewildered by this topic and that it has to be explained to her like this. He wished more than anything that Kat could be happy and comfortable with the topic of love and healthy relationships, but he also knew it was going to take a lot of time, and he didn't want to push her more than necessary.

"You kind of just know," he explained gently, "you'll find yourself thinking about them more than normal, and you'll start to notice the butterflies when you're with them, and notice all the little things they do."

You could really tell how he felt about Felix because of the look in his eyes as he was giving his explanation.

Kat falls silent for a couple of minutes before she tears up again.

"Whoa! What's up?" Changbin exclaimed, concerned at the sudden tears.

He knew a lot of this was just because she was drunk but he was also glad that he was also able to give this talk to his friend, even if she probably wasn't going to remember it the next day.

"I don't know how to understand these feelings!" She said as she sobbed.

"Hey, hey, calm down, just talk to me about these feelings and I'll do my best to help, okay?" he reassured her.

She nodded, trying to wipe her tears, unsuccessful as she continued to cry.

"Chan is just so nice to me and he's always there for me and he smells really nice and he's so pretty and he has such an amazing smile and he just makes me feel so warm inside-" she blurted out all in one go, running out of breath, "I just don't know what this means and how to deal with it!"

Changbin was extremely taken aback by this. He had never heard Kat speak about anyone like this before so he was quite shocked that she had been feeling this for a while without even speaking to him about it.

"Fuck, Rina." he whispered, not expecting her to come out with all of that. "Have you spoken to anyone else about this at all?" He asked, to which she shook her head.

He was getting concerned because he knew she wasn't going to remember telling him this the next day, but he also knew that she meant every word that she was saying.

"Listen, right now what I think you need is rest, a shower and some sleep." he told her, sternly.

She nodded her head, beginning to feel that her eyelids actually felt heavy, unsure whether it was from crying or sleepiness.

She began shuffling to get up when her dress slightly rode up, revealing the bandages that Chan had earlier put there.

Changbin was curious about this, because while he knew about Kat's struggle with self harm, he knew that she never took the time to really take care of it like that.

"Who done that?" he asked, gesturing towards the bandages on her leg.

"Oh," she realised her dress had come up and pulled it down, "Chan." She answered quietly.

"Is that because he caught you?" he asked, hoping this wasn't the answer because he knew how hard it would be if anyone else found out about her self harm.

She just nodded her head gently, smiling at the thought of how caring Chan was when he did the bandage for her.

"What did you tell him?" he questioned, still obviously concerned, especially at the lack of care in Kat's expression and tone.

"Nothing really, he just helped me clean up and then..." she trailed off, knowing that Changbin knew exactly what came next.

"Ah..." he responded, not really knowing how else to continue the conversation knowing that Kat really needed the rest.

"Alright, I'm tired." Kat said, standing up and walking back to her room.

The rest of the guys all looked up at her as she walked in, grabbed some pyjamas and then walked straight back out and went to shower.

***

While Kat was showering, Changbin went back into her room and sat on her bed.

"Chan," he said out of nowhere, "Please be careful with her."

"Don't worry." Chan responded, knowing what Changbin meant, despite still being quite drunk.

***

[A/N]
*unedited*
hi im so sorry this took literal months ive been really depressed😁🤞