drowning || bang chan

• twenty •

I must have been laying on the bench for about an hour now. I just couldn't move, I didn't want to move. After everything, I never thought I would have to see that again.

All that was going through my head was the many times in my childhood that I had seen my dad like that. Of course, no child should have to see anyone like that, but when it's your own parent, it definitely damages you for the rest of your life.

I didn't think I would see my dad break his sobriety, especially after he started finally dating again.

However, I do understand why he is so upset. The audacity of that woman to go and have another child, feeling no remorse for what her actions did to us, for what her actions did to me as a person.

To give another child what she should have given to me. That kid probably knows nothing about what she did, nothing about me or my dad. I can't even believe I have a little brother out there, who I would never have found out about.

"Kitkat?" a male voice suddenly called my nickname, making me jump. A voice I recognised and adored. The voice of the person who I didn't want to see me like this.

I looked up through blurry eyes, from all of my crying, to see Chan, stood with a scared but relieved look on his face.

As I just looked at him, he came and slowly sat next to me, wrapping his arms around me and I allowed myself to fall into his embrace, feeling his warmth and the safety he was providing for me, I continued to cry, harder than before.

He didn't talk, he just kept planting kisses on my head, and keeping me in a cuddle.

Once I had cried so much, I don't think I could physically have cried anymore, I sat up, now free of Chan's hold.

"So, do you want to talk about it or nah?" he asked me in english.

To be truthful, I didn't know if I wanted to or not but, I couldn't exactly keep him guessing why his poor girlfriend just had a full on breakdown.

"Uh, how did you even know anything was up, or where I was for that matter?" I questioned, realising he literally just turned up.

"Uh, haha, Changbin called me and said you weren't answering your phone but he saw you leaving your house an hour ago, and that your dad's car was back." he explained, "I didn't actually know where you were, I've been walking around for ages looking for you." he looked towards the ground, looking a little upset.

"Oh, I'm sorry if you were worried, I didn't think anyone even realised I was out." I admitted, fiddling with my phone to turn it on.

I saw 15 missed calls from Chan, 10 from my Dad and 15 from Changbin, as well as many messages from both of them.

"Fuck, I am so sorry Chan, I really did not know you guys were worried." I apologised.

"No, it doesn't matter Kat, okay? All that matters is that you are safe and okay, I'm just glad that I could find you." he told me, planting a light kiss on my forehead.

"So back to my original question, do you want to tell me what happened or would you rather come to my house and we can chill for the night?" he asked me so sweetly, so caring and I could tell that no matter what I answered, he would be okay with that.

"I will tell you, but I want to forget about it for a bit before I talk about it." I answered apologetically, even though I know he won't actually mind.

"That's fine, let's go then." he smiled as he stood up and held his hand out to also pull me off the bench, and we began walking to his house.

***

"FUCK WHAT THE FUCK." I practically jumped out of my seat as I clung onto Chan's bicep as if my life depended on it.

Meanwhile, Chan was laughing his ass off about how many times this damn movie had made me jump and scream, and how the first time I screamed his mum came into the room and asked if we were okay.

"Look, you wanted to watch a horror movie," he chuckled as my grip on his arm was growing tighter, "if you hold my arm any tighter you're gonna leave marks." he smirked.

"Fine, I'll sit on the other side of the bed then." I pouted and stuck my tongue out but as I tried to scoot over I felt his hands grip my waist not allowing me to go anywhere.

He laughed at me as I let out a defeated sigh.

"You're not going anywhere you melon." he chuckled as he planted a quick peck on my cheek, his hands still firmly planted on my waist.

I nestled into his hold, grateful for the comfort that this boy could provide for me.

We sat comfortably until the movie ended, and I decided I should tell him what was going on with me.

"Okay, I'll talk now." I began, trying to prepare how I was going to explain it to him. Also the fact that this would be the first time in forever I would be speaking to someone before talking to Bin about it.

"You know you don't even have to tell me, just whatever you're comfortable with, I'm here for you either way." he stated, calmly and with a soft smile on his face.

God he was so perfect.

"It's okay, you deserve to know, especially after the state you saw me in, I won't leave you guessing about that." I reassured him, relief filling his eyes, I could tell he wanted to know, and was extremely worried.

"Well, Changbin already told you my dad is home early..." I began...