The Secret's Magic

Kabanata 42

Nagpatuloy ang lamay ni papa sa sumunod na tatlong araw. Mula noong umuwi ako dito ay hindi ko pa inaakyat si mama sa kwarto niya, at sa tatlong araw na 'yun patuloy pa rin sa pag-iwas sa akin si Cole.

I tried approaching him every time I had the opportunity. As much as I want to just let him contemplate things naaawa ako sa kapatid ko. He is obviously hurting. One time I heard him crying on his room, voicing out how he missed papa and their bond together. 

Tahimik ko siyang pinakikinggan noong gabing iyon. That was also the time I heard all his resentment towards me and when I left him at the time I promised I would go home to him after I had done what I had to do.

Hearing all of those indirectly from my brother hurts me so much. It made me think that I became selfish towards him. The fact that he's carrying those hatreds towards me, it liquifies me little by little until I can no longer feel life. 

Siguro nga ay sadyang napakahina ko. Kasi bago pa siya makapagsalita aulit noong gabing 'yun ay umalis na ako sa labas ng kwarto niya. Hindi ko kayang tanggapin ang mga salitang 'yun mula kay Cole. Just like what I continuously saying, he's Buenaventura who always got my back aside from tita Nathie. Pero ngayon, because of my willingness to leave this place and forget the people who hurt me, I also forgot I had a brother left behind. Because of that, he became angry with me and I don't know if I will be able to go back to the way we used to be together.

"Ililibing na bukas ang papa mo, Calla. This will be the last night na makikita natin ang mukha niya." 

Mula sa kabaong ni papa ay tinignan ko si tita Nathie. Just like me, she's sleepless and tired too. Natatawa nga ako dahil hindi man lang ako nakaramdam ng jetlag mula sa flight ko galing Paris. 

Ililibing si papa bukas sa musoleo ng pamilya Buenaventura, katabi ng mga magulang niya. Because of mama'as case, hindi na kami nag plano ng public viewing sa simbahan. The burial will be done private too. Only our family and some friends can enter the cemetary. 

"I can't believe that I'll see him again in this state, tita. Noong huli kong nakita si papa, he was asking for my forgiveness. Na sising-sisi siyang hindi niya napagtuunan ang paglaki ko."

I was waiting for tears to run down on my cheeks and wet my whole face, but none rolled down. 

"But look at him now. Lifeless. Wala nang kaso sa akin tita kung hindi kami nagkaroon ng mas mahabang oras para sa isa't-isa. After all, he made me experience a dream I had when I was still a kid. Ang inaalala ko lang ay si Cole. I know this is a hard and traumatic experience for him. Hindi niya ito matatanggap ng madali. Gustuhin ko man na damayan ang kapatid ko ay hindi ko magawa, tita. He hates me. I can't even go near him for too long."

Papa... please help me with Cole. Ayokong mag-isa niyang harapin ang pag subok na 'to. I want to hug him and tell him that everything is going to be alright. I want to comfort him, pa. I know that behind his strong facade is a soft and fragile Cole. Gusto kong alagaan ang kapatid ko, papa. Please help me with him.

Nag-usap pa kami ng kaonti ni tita Nathie nang mag request siya ng kape sa mga katulong dito sa manyon. Dahil sa kagustuhan kong umihip ng sariwang hangin ay nag volunteer akong ako na lang ang gagawa.