Freaks | DSMP AU | !!DISCONTINUED!!

And I Really Need a Hug

Chapter 15.
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[Now Playing: Boys will be Bugs by Cavetown]
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[POV: TOMMY]

Tommy groaned as the sunlight beamed into his room, throwing the red and black plaid-patterned blanket over his head. Taking in the soft fuzzy texture against his skin with a small content sigh, before the blanket was ripped away from his grasp cruelly.

"Come on Tommy, get ready for school." Wilbur spoke as he shook the younger's shoulder, sounding even more tired than usual to Tommy's surprise. Wilbur always seemed like the golden child who went to sleep early and woke up at the crack of dawn to do his work and write songs, basic gifted kid shit in Tommy's opinion.

"Tommy." Wilbur spoke again, this time slightly sterner, shaking Tommy's shoulder again roughly.

"I'm up I'm up." Tommy sighed as he lifted himself out of the bed, meeting Wilbur's eyes irritated.

"I was already up when you opened the curtains you didn't have to shake me, dick." Tommy complained, Wilbur rolling his eyes and leaving Tommy in his room to get dressed. It was a Saturday, but they all probably had to go out somewhere or something, Tommy decided.

Walking over to his bed-side table and grabbing his binder, having worn it for most of the day he was forced into taking it off immediately when he came home. He didn't mind, besides his family wasn't exactly going to misgender him every second like people in school might if he didn't wear it. The only issue was he was less comfortable with how he looked himself, but he was used to avoiding mirrors.

Tommy turned around with the white binder in hand and grabbed a maroon hoodie that was laying on the floor nearby, changing into them. He didn't really care to change his pants, didn't have the motivation or feel the need to do so, so instead he walked down the stairs tiredly.

He just wasn't feeling it today, maybe it was because the substitute in Math misgendering him constantly because his name wasn't changed. He had even told her his correct name and that he wasn't a girl, yet she still called him such. Her words still haunted him, she had seemed to persistent in being transphobic.

"Elizabeth, respond to me when I am talking to you."

"Yes, you're going to be partnered with her."

"No, no, no, I don't know who 'Tommy' is, but I partnered you with, her."

"Stop saying your name is Tommy, it's not a funny joke. I get this all the time, you're a girl, stop trying to make a joke out of me and respect your substitute."

Tommy sighed, holding back tears as her words came flying back. He didn't look like a girl though, right? He wasn't a girl, he told himself. The tears began creating small little trails down his cheeks, his vision blurry from both the tears and his panic attack.
"Tommy- you alright mate?" Phil was asking, suddenly next to him on the staircase. Tommy didn't hear him; he only heard the little voice in his head screaming that he was faking it. Phil's voice was distorted and seemed far away, but the voice in his head was the exact opposite.

You're just a liar looking for attention,
she only saw what others can't.
You'll always be a girl.
An ugly, rude, stupid girl-

"Tommy? If you can hear me, try to breath in and out with me." Phil had grabbed his shoulders, having to crouch down next to him to look into Tommy's eyes. Tommy hadn't even realized he was on the floor, hands shaking, vision blurry, and breathing heavy, but he grounded himself on Phil's voice.

"In," Phil commanded, Tommy listening and inhaling quickly,
"Out," Phil murmured, his voice softer now as Tommy exhaled, doing it over and over until Tommy's breathing returned to normal and his hands weren't as shaky.

Phil standing up and lifting Tommy up before embracing him in a tight hug,
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Phil whispered, Tommy nodding once as he wrapped his arms around his father.

"Thank you, Dad." Tommy whispered back, squeezing his eyes shut to try and stop more tears from rolling down his cheeks. He could already feel the wet trail of the other tears, unwrapping one of his arms to wipe at his eyes.

Tommy was sniffling slightly still as Phil backed out of the hug and gave him a reassuring smile, patting his son on the shoulder.
"Thanks again Dad." Tommy smiled back, Phil nodding before the both of them walked down into the kitchen.

"Oh, hey Dad, where we goin'?" Wilbur asked as Phil walked in with Tommy trailing behind him.
"Just thought we'd go out and get brunch." Phil shrugged as he grabbed the car keys, Techno sitting up from the chair he'd been in and following the other three to the car, grabbing the book he had beside him as well.

Tommy dashed for the passenger seat immediately as he shouted
"I CALL SHOTGUN!"

Wilbur trying to run past Tommy before they were both shoved aside by Techno, who chucked at his two dumbfounded brothers as he buckled in the seat.

"FUCK YOU." Tommy shouted as he slid into the backseat, Wilbur laughing as he got into the other side. Tommy rolling his eyes with a small smile playing on his lips still.

He enjoyed these little moments with his family, and the ones with his friends as well... But he still felt somewhat empty, his laughs felt as if they had no true feelings behind them. He felt like a cold empty fell, like he was on autopilot.

He stared out the window, his mind anywhere else besides reality. Perhaps he could dream himself a better world, but even so, all his dreams were just nightmares.

Tommy sometimes hated how much he would feel bad for himself, always having a small pity party in his head. A small party, always by himself. In the little pity parties, he looked exactly how he wanted to, his body was rectangular and lanky, his chest flat, hair short, and he just looked like who he felt he was inside. He was perfect in every way.

But the real Tommy wasn't, and Tommy didn't truly want to accept that. He wanted to be that unrealistically perfect person, the one everyone loved and respected. Tommy sighed again, his eyes focusing back in on the real work as he looked out the window.

As he looked at the passing shapes of trees and signs, Tommy was glad he hadn't tried to get his license yet because he knew he definitely wouldn't be able to focus on the road without glancing at every little thing they passed by.

Tommy glanced away from the window to look at Wilbur, who was on his phone scrolling through some app, Tommy couldn't really tell from where he was sitting. Techno was picking the next song to play, and Phil was, of course, driving.

Tommy returned his gaze back to the window, his inside world wasn't too incredible or happy, and neither was the outside world it seemed. It was so, pale and blank of any emotion. He was just, empty.

(1275 words)
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Have a good New Year's everyone, and I hope that it can be even better than the last. I want you all to know I'm happy you've made it this far and I know how hard it can be sometimes.
*Virtual hugs/sending virtual food*
Thank you for all the views and votes, I appreciate each and every one of them :]