ambit. [hs au]

Chapter 29

If I'm to describe my current status right now,, I would say I'm fighting a silent staring battle with my phone.

And losing it.

After the most awkward ride of all time, TJ and Luke dropped me home this morning, with the promise we would see each other soon, at the church, for TJ's birthday. I didn't even try to escape the invitation, because I knew Kim would never let me stay home for such an event.

As I expected, my parents were already up, my Dad was hanging in the living room watching some football game on the TV and Mom was getting ready in her room - apparently, Getty invited us to lunch at her place. It was weird; neither of us knew exactly how to react to my arrival in the morning. I left my parents' house to go to college when I was 18, and only moved back to live with them now that I'm 28 and have been married, so it's not like they witnessed the phase where I would come home drunk in the middle of the night, or when I would go to parties and spend the whole night out.

When I used to live with them, I still had a curfew, just like Dot still has hers. But now I'm an adult, I can take care of myself and they know that, yet, I'm living under their roof again. It's a gray area that neither of us knows how to deal with.

So we just kinda joked about how I should've at least brought breakfast with me, and I awkwardly came upstairs to take a long shower, and have been locked in my room ever since. I know I'll have to go downstairs in a couple of hours to have lunch with Dot, who of course won't be going to Getty with Mom and Dad, and in my wild fantasies I was hoping to have things figured out by then, but considering I've been just staring at my phone like a fucking idiot, I don't think that's going to happen.

I need to stop being a coward.

I mean, what's the worst that can happen?

Chris could tell me he has been fucking another woman, but wait a minute! He already did that.

And I kinda did the same last night, didn't I?

As a matter of fact, I've been dodging his calls and messages for months now, ever since he announced he was leaving me back in L.A., and so far it has only brought more suffering and confusion. So I guess it's time I face whatever consequences talking to Chris might bring.

With that in mind, I grab my phone, dialing his number in an impulse, as fast as I can and bringing it to my ear before I can regret it.

"Birdie?" Chris answers in the second ring.

"Hi, Chris," My voice almost gives out, suppressed by the way my heart is thumping hard in the back of my throat. I don't think I'd ever been this nervous before talking to him in my life. "What's up?"

"I'm so glad you called," He hurries to say, his voice sounding breathy. "I was afraid you didn't want to talk to me."

"Can you blame me?" I sigh, closing my eyes and pressing the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger. This conversation is going to give me the major headache of all time, I'm already predicting it.

There's a moment of silence, only static on the other side of the line, and then Chris sighs again, taking a deep breath before he speaks, "I'm so sorry for what I did. I shouldn't have called you that night, I was pissed drunk--"

"Yeah, you think?" I cut him mid-sentence, the bitter taste of bile covering my tongue as the memories from his call come back haunting me.

"I was just... So hurt. I just wanted to talk to you, but I know I chose the worst moment ever to do so, and the things I said, I..." His voice trails off and he takes another deep, shaky breath, "I'm so sorry, Buttercup, I feel awful. Going to Thailand was a mistake, calling you the way I did, it was a mistake. I hate myself for what I did to you, baby, I love you so much. I couldn't stop thinking about you."