ambit. [hs au]

Chapter 37

A/N: Friendly reminder we're back to Birdie's P.O.V. <3

***

There are some occasions in life in which you can't quite pinpoint the decisions that took you to breaking point.

It doesn't matter how much you think about it, it's like the reasons leading you up to such an unexpected moment are hiding in plain sight, and you can't, for the life in you, figure out what was going through your head when you decided it could be a good idea.

This is exactly how I'm feeling as I knock on Harry's mansion door, although I'm pretty sure I will never be strong enough to make a substantial noise in such a big house. Lost in my senses, completely unable to rationalize why I didn't even hesitate on dropping everything back at the hotel to rush here, the moment I heard how broken he sounded on the phone.

He didn't even say he wanted me to come, mind you. He didn't have to. I was just chilling in the hotel room, drinking some wine and enjoying the silence I miss so much every day that I'm living with my parents, when my phone rang, his name flashing on the screen.

I answered it with a tight knot forming in the back of my throat, feeling, deep in my gut, that there was no way it could be a happy call. Not when it was past midnight, out of the blue, after the day I knew he had.

"I need a distraction."

It was all he needed to say, and I was dropping everything to come to him. I turned off the TV, pausing in the middle of the movie I'd picked to watch tonight, while Sadie's back at the church for the second part of TJ's birthday party, and grabbed my bag. I didn't even care to put on some makeup or make myself look more presentable as I was throwing myself into a cab at almost 1 AM, wearing an old band t-shirt, sweatpants and Sadie's Gucci slippers, because they were the first shoes I saw on my way out. I didn't even care to put a fucking coat on and now I'm fucking freezing to death as I stand under his threshold, waiting for someone to fucking answer the door.

What if he's not even home? What if I came all the way here for nothing, like the stupid impulsive twat I turn to every time he's around?

Right on cue, I hear steps on the other side of the door, and my heart starts racing again.

Oh, God, let it not be Timmy. I'm running out of excuses as to why I'm always around his brother.

The door opens, and the moment my eyes fall over Harry's distraught image, everything else vanishes from my mind like magic. His seafoam green eyes are darkened; not in color, but filled with such intense rage, so dark it's a good thing that his furrowed eyebrows are casting a shadow over his gaze. His lips are pressed on a thin line, jawline so clenched he could easily cut right through my heart with it. He looks pissed, but there's something else in the way that he keeps his eyes pinned on mine.

It's almost desperation, which is frightening for itself, coming from a man who is usually so good at hiding his emotions.

There's a moment of silence, my eyes falling down to this heaving chest. He's only wearing a pair of black running shorts, and his tattooed skin is drenched in sweat. Even his hair is dripping, like he has been running a fucking marathon just before I decided to knock on his door.

"Harry, I--" I mumble, not even knowing what to say as I take a hesitant step closer. He looks like he has been dragged through hell, and I don't have a fucking clue of what am I supposed to do.

I want to help him, but I don't even know if he wants my help. Maybe the only kind of help he expects from me is being on my knees with his dick in my mouth.