ambit. [hs au]

Chapter 69

You remagnetized my moral compass
My kiss, can you feel it yet?
In the back of your legs
And underneath of your neck
Your touch, I cannot regret
I love the shape of your mouth
And the back of your head
You are so my kind
Erotic and divine
I gotta testify
To have you purified
To me you're more than a human
You are more complex
You're like a fallen angel
Who uses god as a hex

Song: Purify, by Placebo (this song is absolutely perfect for this chapter

***

Cupping my hand above my eyes, I shield my face from the orange sunset light, taking in the familiar scenario in front of me.

Leo Carrillo State Beach used to be my favorite beach when I first moved to Los Angeles. Although it's a 45min drive from UCLA campus, I'd still come here at every chance I got; in between important classes, at the end of a long studying session and during the weekends as well.

In my opinion, the nicest part about this beach is not the white sand, the natural pools or the caverns; it's the fact people can bring their dogs to play around in the sand and the ocean. As someone who never had a pet of their own, this was the place I'd come to interact with other people's pups. Sadie used to say I looked like a dog kidnapper, always carrying treats with me and asking way too many questions to their owners.

When Harry came to L.A all those years ago, this was the first beach I brought him to. And for a whole week, we kept coming back almost every day, with sand in our toes, the hot sun kissing our skin and a kind of happiness you only have when you're in your early 20s and haven't lived through a whole bunch of trauma.

I mean, looking back now, I guess Harry already had gone through a lot of fucked up shit, but during that week he was in L.A. with me, he acted like a perfect 20-year-old just wanting to have a good time. I'd never imagined he already had his abusive father locked in a basement and his mom slowly losing her mind upstairs.

6 years later, and we're here again, even though now it's even further away than our original location. Fingers intertwined, thumping hearts, sparkly eyes and unreasonably large smiles as we walk the shore. The air is salty, the sand under our toes is soft, and although we've spent the whole afternoon here, it still feels like no amount of time would be enough to enjoy such a perfect day with him.

After Harry showed up at my doorstep last night and completely blew me away with a changed mind, I was able to open up and tell him about my past and everything that went down with Chirs when we tried to get pregnant before.

He was unbelievably understanding, so much so I'm now actually feeling kinda foolish for not having told him before. I was so afraid he'd see me differently, as a broken vessel, instead he only assured me more and more about how much he admires me.

It was a heavy, loaded conversation we had, and by the time we had said everything we wanted, we were both exhausted, so we went to bed. Harry was especially drained, considering he had just landed in L.A a couple of hours before; he was about to reach the 36 hours of no sleep mark, so when he told me this, I practically forced him to get some rest.

Apparently he left Thirskot in a hurry last night and didn't pack anything with him, so the first thing we did this morning, after he force-fed me with the biggest breakfast I'd ever had, was to go buy him some L.A-friendly clothes. Then, we took a cab all the way to my favorite beach and have been walking around with calm hearts and intertwined hands ever since.

Right now, his jeans are rolled up around his ankles and his Vans hanging from his neck, bare feet on the ocean shore, and he looks happier than I've seen in a long time. I've grown so accustomed to seeing him tense, it's quite a nice change.