If Only

wait

you spent the next few days in a haze, you never in a million years thought that Lizzie would throw your friendship.. or whatever it was away so quickly without a second thought. she did have a husband and she did cheat but he didn't treat her right to begin with..

not a call, text or even letter had come from her after the weeks away from each other, it seemed as though you were the only one thinking about her during late nights and early mornings so you decided to lose hope because what's the point of keeping it if it's only hurting you?

During this time, Lizzie was reading your notebook front to back. your beautiful poems and stories captivating her in your imaginary world you had created. although not everything was imaginary in this notebook, a lot of it was.. familiar.

it had seemed as though you had written about your deepest thoughts while you got to know Lizzie.. the first familiar story was when the two of you ran into each other at the store, sharing a love of stationery.

Lizzie giggled at this, remembering how nervous you had been. she had thought it was just normal anxiety but now she knew that you had thought she was the most beautiful woman you had ever met and you felt guilty having that attraction.

she wished she could tell you she felt the same way that day, confused and frightened of those new found attractions as she had only liked men up until that point but you were different, you were the exception to everything she had believed prior to your meeting and that made her shiver.

she continued reading at every moment she had the chance, her eyes jumping from sentence to sentence.. holding onto every word. Learning more about you through the paragraphs you carefully constructed at your desk, in the house you so selflessly invited her in at her lowest.

One poem in particular caught her eye the most, it was messy and unfinished. words crossed out and spelling errors from the sheer speed at which it was written, although careless it was a poem filled with such intense emotion it made Lizzie put it down for a moment before continuing to read

it was titled,

just the wine

it made her heart sink, it explained in grave detail how you felt in that moment, how you waited for her after but retreated back inside when you realised she wasn't returning.

glass half full, glass half empty
it didn't matter as every sip was poisonous regardless
clouding eyes, clouding judgements
tearing two hearts apart after they had been so close
prematurely ending what could have been
"it's just the wine"
those words cut deeper than a knife
leaving me sorrowful and empty as that glass once had been
waiting on a change of mind, a change of heart to no prevail
standing in the cold as you drive, leaving me in a cloud of soot and regrets

Lizzie immediately picked up her phone and texted aubrey demanding she pick her up, which Aubrey happily agreed to after she knew the context

Lizzie had told Robbie she was going shopping with a friend at which he just waved her off without another word, Lizzie quickly jumped in the car and Aubrey sped towards the final destination

"do you want me to stay here?" Aubrey asked after they had parked

"no it's okay, you can go" Lizzie smiled before shutting the door and waving to Aubrey as she drove away

Lizzie made her way up the steps of your porch, knocking on the door 3 times before ringing the door bell. no answer, which was odd because you normally answered the door everytime and your car was in the driveway so you weren't out somewhere

Lizzie looked around before seeing you walk into the woods near your house, on your weekly afternoon walk. she sighed before walking quickly after you

"y/n!" she called out from behind you, startling since you thought you were alone

you turned around quickly, sadness prominent in your eyes when you realised it was Lizzie

"leave me alone, lizzie. go back to your husband" you said angrily before continuing to walk, faster this time

"no y/n listen to me, i read your journal that you left"

you stopped right in your tracts, how did she get your journal?

"what? how did you-" confusion littering your words

"i read the last poem that you wrote, i'm sorry that i-" lizzie began, trying to find the right words

"wait, now you're sorry? after all these weeks of completely ignoring me? after leaving me in that driveway in front of all those people? do you understand how embarrassing that was or did that just not register as you left me?" you cut her off as you yelled, all this anger and hurt coming up

"i did it to protect you!" lizzie yelled back, frustrated that you didn't understand

"protect me? that's the excuse you're going to use? i don't need your protection, lizzie. if anything you're the person i need protecting from!" you were angry and couldn't stop the words from exiting your throat

"you don't understand" lizzie tried to say calmly but her voice was shaky

"i understand perfectly, now go home before someone sees us since that's all you care about" you looked lizzie up and down one more time before continuing to walk into the woods

"y/n wait" lizzie grabbed your arm, tightly.

"how long am i supposed to wait for you?" you turned your head around sharply, tears threatening to fall from your eyes at this point

lizzie didn't reply, she just pulled you into a kiss. it wasn't heated and it didn't make your skin burn. it made your heart sink because it felt like a goodbye kiss. lizzie pulled away first, resting her forehead on yours while breathing heavily

"what the hell are you doing?!" we both heard a man yell from behind us, our eyes shot open