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DAY 130
Honey Daniels didn't know if she would ever get used to the sight of Steve Rogers just lounging around her apartment.
So domestic.
Normal.
The lingering feeling of wanting to be able to pick his brain apart, every thought, memory - it still stalled in the back of her mind. Especially now, when he had done practically a one hundred and eighty degree spin, finally putting in the effort she had wanted to see from him for months. She wondered what made it click inside of his head, the exact words she had said or the exact moment that he had made the decision to be a better person. For her.
She yearned to hear his thoughts.
"You're doing that staring thing again."
Her dark brown eyes blinked profusely at his teasing comment, dragging her from her admiring haze of his muscular figure that perched on her living room floor. His blue eyes examined her flippantly as the corner of his lip lifted, tearing his attention away from the whatever work he was typing away at on his laptop sitting in his lap.
"I'm admiring," she corrected with a sheepish grin.
Licking his lips, he struggled to maintain his composure as his eyes darted back down to his keyboard. "What's on your mind?"
See?
How could she ever possibly get used to Steven freaking Rogers nonchalantly asking her what was running through her head?
"Uh," Honey mumbled, her head dropping to stare down at her intertwined fingers that fidgeted in her lap. "I'm actually just wondering what's on yours."
Those blue eyes flashed back up at her, concerned slightly, but more caring than she had expected. Immediately flicking his laptop closed, he placed it onto the wooden coffee table before motioning for her to take its place in his lap - a notion that sent her heart running laps around her chest as usual.
Crawling from her spot on the couch, she descended into the floor beside of him, gently creeping into his lap as she brushed her hair behind her ears. His arms encircled her waist as if he had been doing it forever, unthinkingly, as his chin tilted upwards to look at her.
"What would you like to know?" he asked tenderly.
Her eyes met his, but all she could seem to focus on was the way his fingers gripped her hips, rubbing circles on her exposed skin with his thumbs. "What changed?" she managed to get out before swallowing the nervous lump in her throat. "What was the exact moment that made everything different for you?"
Honey observed the way his Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he thought about what he wanted to say, but she was just pleased that he was thinking of anything to say at all. The Steve she had collided with on her bicycle four months ago would have never been engaging with her this way, talking with her. Perhaps the universe wasn't on its correct axis at the moment.
"It was when my dark thoughts couldn't swallow me whole because all I could think about was never seeing you again."
The sound of her heart thudding inside of her ears echoed, a small ringing following closely behind it as she attempted to comprehend what he had just said. The nauseating reality of mental health was always hard to swallow, especially when it came to those that she cared deeply about. Hell, she had her days after the blip where her mind wasn't exactly the friendliest place on Earth to be - she knew how hard it was to even try to come back from thoughts such as those.
Steve must have noticed her change in mood, placing his finger underneath her chin to force her watering eyes back up to his.
"Sorry," she whispered with a faint laugh, shaking her head mostly at herself. "I just don't like picturing you so sad. I know how difficult things must have been for you over the past year."
"Hey," he cooed, his voice changing into a tune she wasn't quite sure if she had even heard before. "Things are looking up, don't worry about me."
But she did.
That was all she seemed to worry about these days.
"I really changed your mind?"
"Yes."
His answer was so simple - not rehearsed, no thought behind it, no contemplation. The conviction he had behind his answer made her eyes sting even more with tears. He must have been thinking about it for a while now, to be so sure, to have his mind completely made up.
"I thought it would be the most idiotic thing I've ever done if I were to let you slip away, too," he explained slowly, his hand rubbing circles comfortingly on her hip once more. "So I decided that I would do whatever it takes to make it right, I would try my hardest to be what you need because I can't lose anymore people."
Lifting her hand to rest it on his cheek, her heart practically melted inside of her chest as he leaned into her touch.
"You've been through so much," she said quietly.
"So much but really not enough," he sighed, his lips twitching to lighten the mood as peeked up at her. "I'm technically over a hundred years old and I've never properly went on a date or even had any experience with relationships, I fucking suck."
"To be fair, you were frozen for more than half of your life," Honey pointed out playfully, taking her bottom lip in between her teeth as she held back a giggle.
"Hmm," he hummed in slight agreement, his eyes darting down to watch her lips before narrowing back up at her in a facetious manner.
"Maybe that's why it took you so long to get warmed up to me," she said in a matter-of-factly tone, placing her hand over her chest dramatically as she spoke. "Your heart was still defrosting."
The look that flashed in his eyes reminded her just how much fun it was to tease him, making her head fall back gently as laughter escaped her full lips. Trailing her hand down to hover over her stomach, her fingers grasped the fabric of her shirt as she struggled to catch her breath from laughing so hard. His fingers squeezed her sides, tickling her slightly, making it that much harder to compose herself now.
It was one of the many moments that she had almost let the words slip from her mouth.
I love you, Rogers.
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