The Solitude of an Emperor [TO BE UNPUBLISHED]

34 : The Past Life

"You will make the Emperor drink this."

His eyes went wide upon seeing the white powder given by Viscount Morata.

"What?" He could not believe what he just heard. He looked at Kathika who was with him.

"I heard from the commoners that they put that to their cornfields to kill pesticides." Kathika explained. "I tried it on a rat and it is effective. It only takes one drink to kill a person-

"What impertinence is this? Do you know what you are doing?" He stood up from his seat, unable to believe what they were talking about.

"Don't tell me you have changed your mind, Duke Esteban?" Count Marshall lit his cigarette and smoked it. "I thought that you were going to be the Emperor? That is what Lord Garrett claimed before you married the Emperor."

He was silenced. When he was young, his father often mentioned him becoming the Emperor. But he thought that it was just a way of making him do his best to become the perfect heir. He never even thought about becoming the Emperor.

"Lorenzo is also ready to become the Crown Prince. He is also waiting for you to become the Emperor, Esteban." Kathika spoke. "You do not want to abandon your son just because you got married to the Emperor, right?"

He got pressured. He does not know what to do and what to say. He knew that this would be coming in the future right? He married the Emperor for Kathika and his son. He married the Emperor because it is what his father wants. But why is he hesitant?

However, he was still not in his right mind and he only realized what he had done after the Emperor drank the tea he served.

"Have you ever loved me?"

He stood there, frozen after hearing what his wife said. Did she find out about the drink?

"Have you ever liked this marriage since the beginning?"

"Were your smiles and laughter genuine?"

He could not move and he could not speak as he remembered the moments he had with his wife. He was happy.

"I love you, Esteban."

He bit his lip upon hearing his wife say those words for the first time. Suddenly, he felt like his whole body was feeling uncomfortable with what he had done. She treated him well, so why... did he do this?

"But why... why would you..."

He felt the shrivelling of his heart into pieces when his wife stopped talking. Is it over? Did he really succeed? But why... does he feel bitter? He clenched his fist.

"This is the best way, Your Majesty." This is the best way so she would not suffer with one-sided love anymore.

At that time, he was interrupted in his room when he was told by the news, "My lord, Her Majesty is not waking up!" He knew it was coming so he hurriedly went out of bed, although he actually had not slept all night.

He watched Emperor Darya sleep without waking up. Upon concluding that the Emperor had died in her sleep, with the help of his father and his allied nobles, he was enthroned to be the Emperor after a week of 'mourning'. He did not do anything during that week and just let his father move under the shadow for it.

After a month, he took Kathika as an Empress. He thought that he was going to be happy that he can finally be with his lover and son. However... he could not sleep a single night without the remembrance of Emperor Darya lying by his side. He could not sleep without the scent of his late Emperor. He started missing her touch... her voice... her presence...

Whenever he tries sleeping with his new Empress, he would stop halfway because Emperor Darya's face would appear in his mind. So he ordered a separate room. And when he did that, every night, he would have a nightmare about how he made her drink poison. It keeps coming back to him no matter how he gets drunk or no matter how he takes sleeping pills.

While trying to forget and making a good face to everyone, he knows that he did not do anything. Nothing changed. Nothing has improved in his life as he even wished to have the life he had back when Emperor Darya was alive. He tried getting rid of everything about her. He removed all her portraits. All her printed works. He even forbade anyone to mention her name just so he could forget her but suddenly...

"How come you were happy after she..."

"She treated you well..."

"You caused her death!"

He was struck by the words of a noble lady who just appeared nowhere. Her eyes were sad and were raging in melancholy. Why does it feel like she had a familiar scent?

"You made her drink poison when she was carrying your child!"

He froze, petrified. Child? So then he remembered Emperor Darya mentioned about telling him something after he came home from his 'expedition'. So he comes to realize something he will never forget... which is that... he poisoned his wife... and his child.

He does not want to believe what that lady said so he summoned all the doctors who were assigned to the late Emperor. They were all fired and retired at that time but he threatened them just to make them go to him. There he just confirmed that his wife was carrying a child five years after he killed her. He looked for that lady to know more about it but then he just found out that she was dead.

After he found out the truth, he began hallucinating about Emperor Darya. He began hallucinating that she is alive and well and they had a son together. They were happy and harmonized. But it was all in his imagination. He gave up the throne to kill himself but his son and wife prevented him from doing that. His son locked him in his room and bound him with shackles so he would not be able to do anything to cause him to die.

Hundreds of doctors tried reviving him but no one was successful. Everyday... he would tell his regrets to nowhere. He would repeatedly apologize to the late Emperors and to his late wife. He would beg to die to stop thinking about his regrets until he found himself praying for the time to be turned back. After years of praying until he aged, the gods finally responded to him.

"I am Raula, what is your wish?"

Dying, he said, "I want to go back..." His tears fell from his eyes as he remembered the time he first saw his wife. She was so small and very adorable.

"...at that time... before I had become foolish... at that time...I had no regrets..."

"I am not capable of predicting the exact time you want to come back. Please specify."

"When I was in the Academy... thirty nine... years ago..."

"I have heard your wish. However, I would like you to know that I can only grant you this wish and another three wishes the next time I come back to you. I will take time before coming back again as my power is limited. You will also not be able to recover your memories once the time has been turned back."

"I... want to remember her..." No, he should remember Emperor Darya.

"Alright, I have a solution. I will take your memories from your brain before I turn the time back. You will need to sacrifice the power of your three wishes then, to which it is going to be focusing on your memories alone."

He immediately agreed. 'As long as I will remember her.' So he would not be foolish anymore.

'I should have chosen this phase in the first place.' Tears continuously flow down his eyes after waking up from his long dream.

Despite his wish to turn the time back, he still became foolish. He still made a choice that has broken her heart. Now he understands why she had those eyes whenever she looks at him... He knows why she loathes him. How could she even look at him despite remembering all he did to her? How could she even talk to him and let him be touched by him despite how he treated her before?

***
END OF CHAPTER 34
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