The Solitude of an Emperor [TO BE UNPUBLISHED]

56 : Rebellious

In the end, the Emperor did not let Captain Marshall go back to his unit and just sent him to the Consort’s Palace to rest. Captain Marshall was still in a puzzled state when he realized that he was lying on a bed, looking at the ceiling. He does not know what he is feeling as he looks at his bandaged injury that was wrapped by the Emperor herself. He could feel slight pain but it is manageable. However, what keeps lingering in his mind is his inability to describe his feelings.

What is this? Why… does he feel comfort?

It was a novel feeling for someone like him. All the days he lived in his younger years, he was abused in the Marshall Estate whenever Count Marshall was away. His step older brothers and step mother would never let him rest for a bit when he is alone. They would make him do things a maid should do. They would feed him rotten food. They would always make him an errand boy. It is not just the ridicule that he keeps being patient of, it is also the constant beating from his older brothers. He only had time for himself when Count Marshall sent him to the Academy.

He was happy that he could finally breathe minutes after minutes when he could not go home for a year. It was the best feeling to be at school and learn many things. Maybe it was because he lived a life wanting to save himself that he is mature compared to the other students. He is a fast learner and he excelled in both academics and swordsmanship. 

It is good that Count Marshall takes him to events and he could have an opportunity to meet his biological father and mother. He is happy to see and talk to them. He respects his father so much that he is looking forward to being someone like him in the future. However, it changed…

Something has changed.

“I heard you are training to be a knight?” Duke Garrett tapped his shoulder.

Seeing his father’s smiling face, his whole day had become bright. Plus, his mother was also there and they are together. He is glad that he was brought by Count Marshall to the Imperial Palace that time. 

“Yes, I will be officially becoming a knight next week. I hope you will attend the ceremony, Duke Garrett.” He hates it when he calls his father that way but he could not help. His relationship with him must be a secret until his father becomes the Emperor, as what Count Marshall said before.

“Alright, I will adjust my schedule—” His father stopped there. He is looking at the direction at his back, terror was written on his face and he could feel the trembling of his hand on his shoulder.

Seeing his father’s reaction, he got curious as to who can make his father look this terrified. So he turned his back only to see a tall man in his Captain uniform. He knows this guy as his name is popular among the Professors in the Academy. He is known to be the strongest among the knights. He also knows that this man… is someone that is with the Crown Princess. Why would his father look at him like that?

When the man left, his father did not look good. His face was dishevelled in terror that he took his hand off his shoulder immediately. He then spoke words that he never expected his father to utter, “It would not be good for me to meet you Lorenzo, and Lady Kathika,” he looked over at his mother. “Do not ever come near me again.”

His eyes were cold that time. It was mixed with terror. And just like that his father left and his mother followed him, leaving him alone behind. He was speechless as he watched his mother being ignored by his father. At that time, his brows furrowed upon remembering how his mother described his father when he was a child.

His mother would always recognize his father’s greatest works and contributions to the Empire. She would shower him compliments to how she admired his father because he is a Duke’s son. He was so immersed to hear stories about his father but seeing them now, why… does it feel like his father has changed? 

It started when he became the Crown Princess’ fiancé. His father would always ignore him when the Crown Princess is around. It is said by Count Marshall that his father will marry the Crown Princess so he could become the Emperor. His mother will then become an Empress and he will become the Crown Prince. So then, he formulated a question there.

“What if father will have a child with the Crown Princess?”

Would that mean that he will be neglected and his father would love his child with the Crown Princess? But… his father won’t do that right? He will marry his mother right?

With that thought in mind, he was still positive about his father not until he did not come to his ceremony. He was knighted with an awful face. He did not see his father who was supposed to come and greet him. He was very depressed that even his mother did not come.

The knight after he graduated in the knighthood, he was ridiculed by his older brothers in the banquet held in the Count’s manor. He forfeited and did not fight for himself at first but when the banquet was finished, he did not hesitate to attack his brothers. He broke their bones and threatened them. Because of that, his older brothers could no longer bully him in front of many people and would just secretly ridicule him.

He strived for the best after that time. He wanted to achieve perfection so he could be on top, still wishing to meet his father again. He tried sending letters to the Dukedom but he never got a response until he had found himself looking for his father whenever he had an opportunity to go to the Imperial Palace. 

There he heard his father having a romantic relationship with the Crown Princess. He heard from Palace workers that his father was so in love with the Crown Princess that he would always wait for her no matter how he takes his time. His father would travel from the Dukedom to the Imperial Palace just so he could see the Crown Princess. His father would always check on her secretly.

That time, his hope and wish of having a family slowly crumbled as he watched how his father became very serious and depressed towards the Crown Princess. So then, a question came to his mind.

“What if… father abandons me?”

But he still had his mother right?

With that thought, he proceeded to come to his mother. At first, his mother was really kind to him. He would take him shopping and would invite him to tea parties and events. Not until, he saw his mother being with a noble man. 

It was her birthday celebration. He was so excited to give his mother a gift but before he could get a chance to give it to her, he could not believe his eyes to what he saw. 

He followed his mother who went to a guest room, thinking that he could give his gift privately. His mother came inside a room as she left the door open. He never intended to see… his mother being touched by a noble man. They were being intimate. The man was touching his mother from behind her beautiful dress. 

“I miss you so bad, Alleb. I haven’t had your touch since I left the town.”

His whole body tremble upon hearing that. He immediately moved backwards as he hid himself to the wall in case he could be seen. He forgot to breathe for a few seconds.

Alleb? Was that the man who would sometimes visit his mother back in the town before? That man was supposed to be his mother’s cousin right? Does this mean that all those… days Lord Alleb would spend the night in the town…

His mother had been…

That time, his vision of the reunion of his father and mother had completely vanished. He realized that there is no hope about bringing them back together as they are both focused on another thing. There is no hope lingering to such vision so what is he going to do now? 

If Count Marshall figures out the less possibility of his father becoming an Emperor, he will most likely be thrown away as they could not benefit from him. In the end, he will become an abandoned child…

“Why was I even born if my parents would not be responsible for me?”

“What is the purpose of why I was born?”

Another question comes to his mind, “Perhaps… am I an accident?”

With that thought, his mind got occupied with more negative thoughts again, leading him to become outrageously rebellious.

***
END OF CHAPTER 56
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