Wonderland

1. Blank

The moment we found the moment amusing is the moment we found what pretending really is. Pretending, if that's the only to hide the pain, is the hardest feeling one could feel. Because right after that, there comes the time that we feel the happiness had been stolen.

We felt empty all of the sudden and that there is that blank space we tend to hide with the feeling of being happy, but the truth is that it doesn't even make sense.

I stare at my reflection in the water. Why do I bother to love the person who forgot I existed? It felt like a dream. A dream that left us hanging.

The truth is that I never learn. No, I don't and no I won't. I really don't know too to be honest.

"Good morning Heather." Stacey, my bestfriend comes at me when I enter the hallway.

"I wanted to ask you about the project."

"Yeah? What about it?" I asked as I search for my phone in my shoulder bag. "WTF is my phone?!" I hissed.

"Could you lower your voice down? You know, we aren't the only ones here." Stacey grabbed my shoulder and drag me to our room.

After searching for ten minutes I finally found it. I cannot live without my phone because maybe, just maybe he'll text me.

"You're lost." Stacey commented. I bit my lip to keep it away from trembling.

"Honey, you know I can't judge you, but he doesn't even care." Stacey rolled her eyes and as if on cue, he walked towards us with shades covering his eyes.

Stacey gasped as he went away without noticing me, but noticing someone in our back.

"Right." Stacey said, "you really need to get a grip and start again."

I look at Stacey and stole a glance to him, he was looking at me. I know for sure that behind his aviators he is looking at me. I look at Stacey again.

"I'm trying."

The class started out as our professor went blabbering about our new topic which is history of tourism. I keep taking notes and I'm trying to listen clearly to what our teacher is saying, but I can't escape the thought of him travelling in my very mind.

I asked myself, does it get tiring? Every second you keep on wasting your time waiting?

I put my pen down and stare at the blank chair on my front. After a while I got my answer.

I'll deal with tiring when I got the chance of feeling it, because right now even though he can't see me or even appreciate my existence- I am happy.

The day went on so fast and I got carried out by the mysterious guy of Stacey which she keep on texting every 30 seconds.

"I'm hungry."

"And he even- wait what?"

I rolled my eyes. "I said I'm hungry."

"The canteen's over there." she pointed and went away sitting near the round tables in the Student Lounge.

"Okay. I'll just go grab some drinks. Do you want anything?" I asked. Stacey shook her head and continued texting her mystery guy.

My phone vibrated as I took my chocolate drink and my crinkles to the guy in the counter. I thank him as I passed the canteen's exit.

I got a call from some unknown number. A grunt escape my mouth as I sat near the stool.

"Who is this?" I asked.

"It's Vince."

"Vince who?" I asked as I eat the crinkles I bought.

"Vince, Carlisle's friend from the volleyball team."

I tilted my head back a little, "Yeah? And what do you want from me? I don't have any business with Carlisle anymore." I bitterly said to Vince.

"I just want to talk to you. Do you have a minute?"

I rolled my eyes forgetting the fact that this caller cannot see me. I wanted to talk him down since I only met him once, when Carlisle and I went out for our first date. But then, luck comes and I saw him wandering accross the canteen, probably to buy a water because he really like water so much.

I know he can see me. Hence, I'm the only one here.

I pretended to not care at all when he sat down five stool to where I was sitting and he is till wearing his aviators.

"We're talking now, aren't we?" I said to Vince as I keep on glancing to him.

"I mean, in personal."

"Why? You can't trust my voice?"

"No! Its just that- I just, you know, I want to introduce myself to you."

"Uhm.." I tilted my head back again and finished my last crinkles. "I don't know. I'll call you when I have the time though, its just- this is really not the best time for me." I ended the call.

I took my shoulder bag and stood up from the stall and wished all the pain would go away once and for all.

"Sorry! Sorry!" I was surprise that I bump into someone in the canteen.

Then I realized.

"Hi."