Wonderland

2. Hanging

I hold my breathe in.

He's looking directly at me. What should I do?

Should I kiss him? I miss him so much.

Slap him? Cause he really do deserve it.

"H-hi." I stare at him with eyes wide open. I felt my mouth dry all the sudden.

"H-how are you? I-I mean, h-how have you b-been?" I stammered asking.

My feet are freaking cold and my freaking mind is wandering in and about. I'm so nervous.

He smiled, "I'm alright."

"Oh." I nervously laughed. "That's great. That's great."

We stood there for like three minutes with silence sorrounding us.

"I-I have to go." I quickly walk away from him and went to find Stacey with arms crossed on her chest.
"Where have you been?" she angrily asked. I grabbed her shoulders and drag her out from the school.

"Just walk." I hissed.

-

"So that's it?" Stacey momentarily paused and glance at the two civil engineering guys looking at us. "Listen, those guys are hot." she giggled.

I rolled my eyes.

"Okay! Okay!" she backed down, "Back to your situation. He just said Hi and I'm alright and you just stood there for minutes?"

I nodded, "I mean, what else could I do? I was stammering and nervous as f.ck."

"If I was in your shoes I'd talk to him." Stacey commented.

"Yeah, in the canteen."

"But you said you are the only ones there."

"Yeah. Besides the working students." I sighed.

Stacey grunted.

"What do you feel when you see him?" she asks.

What do I feel when I see him? Its everything. From the butterflies, from the electric current, from being nervous and from being not enough.

"I feel like I can do anything."

Stacey stared at me. "You serious?"

I nodded in agreement.

"Damn, you fell so hard." Stacey whispered.

A little smile crept to my face. I know.

I decided to open my laptop when I got home and logged in to facebook. If he's online right now, I swear I know he still has feelings for me.

Feelings don't walk away. People do.

I know, but I don't learn. I fell again and my heart can't just let it all go eventually. I know I'm stupid, I just have to let it all sink in.

I posted a new photo of me with a caption, "Smile even though it hurts, its the only way to deal with the pain."

I scroll down my notifications and he like it. Carlisle liked my status from last night. I know he still has feelings for me! I knew it!

But then, I read Narrian's status, pointing directly at me. "Assuming."

Ouch. That hurts. Am I assuming for Carlisle? Does she even knew that what Carlisle and I had was never a fling for me?

Narrian is my classmate and she was a friend of Bryce, so as Knorr, Krissy, Jaclyn and Jana. I thought of them as friends when I was with them, I felt good, because Carlisle was there, but when Carlisle and I fallen apart, they were anxious of me, they were somewhat angry that I fell for Carlisle

What? Is it my fault that I fell? You really can't blame me afterall, he was the one who offered me a ride, gave me a red velvet cake in a jar, who took me on a date, who kissed me two times in a cheek and held my hand as I sang Little Things.

He was a gentleman. And all those little things he acted during our time was inevitable, and I fell.

They-except Krissy knew the whole story. But I regretted ever sharing what I actually felt with them. Because I felt ashamed, naked when they start blabbering about me.

And Krissy didn't do anything about it.

I didn't like her status and read the comments that she, Jana and Knorr said. It was all too much. How I wish they can just feel what I really felt, then they can understand how it really feels.

I'm broken, almost as if it never happened.

I clicked the POST sign. Again, I'm being open about my feelings. Carlisle seemed to have been feeling the way I do right now and I guess he was a little bit ashamed of what he did.

Examing my newsfeed, something has caught my eye. It was me and Carlisle and he commented on our photo that I took when we went to see the Volleyball game between the gay people and the guys. Thats when I met Vince. Oh, I remember now.

Hahaha.

He said. Narrian and he was commenting entirely on our photo, why do Narrian is just- wait, perhaps she's got feeling. She likes Carlisle? Oh that explains the whole thing.

But. She's too old for him.

I wonder what she feels right now though.

I click my notification box again and Vince commented in my status. Why can't he just leave me be? Afterall, we aren't that close.

I know who are you talking directly to.

And I guess he guessed it.

Vince, after a while messaged me.

so are you free tonight?

I really don't have the time for him. Bryce said, he is though a womanizer. Yeah, I know. It really does show.

I remember Ghenda, my pretty classmate told me about Vince and Abigail. Abigail was his girlfriend for four years, but Abigail cheated on him.

And then he got finally got a taste on his own medicine.

Vince is a little boastful and its a turn off. But I bet I'll make it up to him. Getting a new friend won't hurt, right?