Ed Sheeran X Reader

Justice Served

The police chief is furious that you killed the great Sheeran.
You say "Are you not entertained?"

"Not by your half-assed attempt at humor, boy," the police chief says.

"You are hereby stripped of your freedom and given to the police to be executed," the executioner says.

 The next day you are led to the gallows. 

You are strapped to the crossbeam.

You appeal by singing Feet and Knuckles.

You appeal by singing "Feet and Knuckles", but the hanging judge doesn't seem to enjoy the song. 

"You've got talent, boy. I'm going to let you live." the judge says. 

"So long as you promise not to kill anymore people," the executioner says. 

You promise and are set free.

You go to Ed Sheeran's funeral.

Ed Sheeran is dead. 

You go to his funeral. 

The whole town is in attendance. 

Ed Sheeran was a hero, a martyr even. 

There are poems and eulogies.

You commit arson.

You steal a truck, go to the graveyard and set fire to the coffin of Ed Sheeran. 

You watch as the entire church burns down to the ground. 

The whole town is in an uproar. 

They're saying that you did it on purpose. 

You deny it, but nobody believes you.

You get to the airport.

You get to the airport. 

There's a news crew there talking to a TSA agent. 

"We're from the "Xinhua News Agency" and we'd like to ask you a few questions," the news crew says. 

"Sure, come on through," the TSA agent replies. 

"What kind of questions?" you ask. 

"Well, for one, do you have any comment on this?" the news crew says, holding up a copy of the New York Times.

You read the headline.

"Edward Sheeran, the musician, has been murdered," you say, looking over the paper. 

"What, so him?" the TSA agent asks. 

"Yeah, so him."

You say "I killed him lol"

"Oh yeah, I killed him," you say, trying to play it cool. 

"Well, congratulations," the news crew says. 

"Why is this even news?" you ask.

 "Well, you set the place on fire and killed the man," the news crew says. 

"Oh, come on! That wasn't a big deal," you say. 

The news crew doesn't understand your meaning. 

"What are you trying to say?" 

"News stations are known to exaggerate and make up stories just to get ratings." 

"Did not," the news crew says. 

"Okay then, why don't you go home and let me finish my dinner in peace." 

The news crew is confused.

You run to the plane.

The plane is boarding. 

You run toward the plane. 

You make it to the plane. 

You crawl through the plane's window.

 You jump onto the wing. 

The plane is in the air.

You hijack the plane and fly to Korea.

You fly to Korea. 

It's a long way to Korea. 

You get to the border. 

You see a soldier standing in front of a tank.

You ram the border.

You ram the soldier with the plane. 

The soldier is killed instantly. 

You ram the plane. 

You make it to the other side. 

You get out of the plane. 

Hail, Kim.