Issues

21

TW: SELF HARM
TW: PHYSICAL ABUSE
•••

I watch as the blood from my forearms drips down in the shower. Both of my forearms. I hate myself so much for this.

I try so fucking hard to go clean. But any thought of possibly going clean makes me want to cut again.

I pray every day that no one sees my arms, even in an accident. I don't have many full sleeves anymore.

I have to frequently wash my clothes in order to receive the full sleeve T-shirts. I could buy some but I would barely have any money and since I got laid off I can't.

I tried so hard these last few weeks to find a job that's willing to hire someone who has only one job experience.

Somebody willing to hire somebody who hasn't gotten a college or university degree.

Somebody who's not looking for a current student.

And someone who doesn't look at my appearance. "Amora. Why don't you hurry up for dinner." My dad scoffs from outside the bedroom.

I don't know how I heard him since I'm in the bathroom. "Just a minute!" I shout out. I pat myself dry and put on some comfortable PJs. I put my hair up in a clean slick bun and leave the bathroom.

Since the cuts are fresh it rubs against the fabric and burns as well as that icky. I open my bedroom door, and I'm faced with my dad. "What takes you so long?" he snaps.

"I don't know." I mumble as I walk past him.

"Me and your mother decided it would've been nice to have family dinner for once. That's why I was waiting for you." Dad scoffs at me once more.

I roll my eyes and sit down. "Now we can start." Mom says. My food was already placed on the plate, I grab my fork from the side and start to eat. Basic plain food.

At this point, I've only had Lorenzo's food like twice and I'm obsessed. Nothing compared to his food and to his cooking.

"We've heard about Sam" mom starts off.

"Hmm." I hum not really paying attention to this conversation.

"Anyway did Lori come across with the idea of having dinner with us?" Mom asked me.

Fuck.

I put my fork down and sit up straight. I clear my throat. "I told you this already. She's not here, she's in Los Angeles with her family. She's not answering any of my texts or my calls. I'm just waiting till she comes back." I lie.

"Hmm okay. But when she does, please encourage her to come over for dinner." Mom says.

"Why are you so obsessed with her coming over for dinner?"

Lorenzo hasn't called or texted me whether Sofia has agreed. I'm starting to think she didn't.

"We're not obsessed, it's just we don't know who she is and you seem to be hanging out with her a lot lately. Like for example Sam and Kai we both know about them and we feel more comfortable if you hang out with them rather than Lori. We don't know how she is. I don't want her to be a bad influence for my daughter." Dad says.