Wildflowers |h.s|

twenty six

Devon

I'm a pretty reasonable, but vulnerable person. I always put myself on the line in every relationship I've been in, even if the other person doesn't. I hate leaving people guessing or confused about how I'm feeling about them. And yes, maybe I fall too easily. Maybe that's why I always say 'I love you' first. It's never worked out before where the guy will tell me he loves me back right after I tell him.

So I don't know why I thought Harry would be different.

Sitting in Fine Lines, watching Arden get a new tattoo on the back of her arm by Mitch, I can't help but replay the moment in my head. The way his face went from confusion to realization. The way he awkwardly kissed my head and turned to take his glasses off to go to sleep.

In a way, I did expect Harry to say it back. He entrusts me with his daughters for the day, lets me put them to bed on my own, basically invites me over for Christmas, but can't say he loves me back.

I know I can't expect someone to feel the same way I do, but we've come so far in this relationship, it's been months, and he can't say it. He can't say he loves me. The next morning he just pretends I didn't say anything and moves on with his day. It stung, and when I got home I definitely shed a few tears thinking back on it.

Arden doesn't know about that, but I would be too embarrassed to admit to that anyway. Honestly I just wanted to back out of joining her at the shop today, but Harry's got something to do with Annika's school today so he's not working today. He's trying to pretend that nothing has changed, but everything has.

I told him I love him. The deepest emotions I have for him are all laid out on the table, begging to be reciprocated for once in my life. But he just can't say it. And it's starting to feel like he just doesn't want to.

It's been a week and he's definitely doing this weird thing where he's acting like everything is normal, but he's pulled back a little bit. I've tried to apologize for making him uncomfortable, just wanting things to go back to the way they were, but he tells me not to apologize for the way I'm feeling and that we're good.

But he won't say he loves me.

I've waited months to be able to say this to him, fought back my emotions for so long. Only for me to tell him and have it bite me in the ass. It doesn't help that my bond with the girls is growing every day.

How could he not love me, but allow me to get so close to his daughters? Does he really just see me as a role model for them? Am I just around to help him raise his kids? No, I need to push these thoughts from my head before I go crazy.

Thankfully, Mitch comes in right on cute. "So, Dev. Saw you bring the girls in last week. H wouldn't shut up about how much they like spending time with you."

My heart sinks ever so slightly. Like. They. Not love and him. Still, I put a smile on my face. "Yeah, he needed some help with them and they're the cutest, so I figured why not chip in?"

He nods, glancing over at me. "You better be taking good care of my friend and my girls. Then again I know you are because I haven't seen those three this happy since... well you know."

No Mitch, I don't know. "Yeah, well every day's getting better I think. And I don't know how much I trust the gnome king."

His head whips up from his work on Arden's arm, his eyes wide. "He told you?"

I nod, smirking slightly. "Yeah. And you better watch out because the squirrels are getting close to giving you away. Annika gave me some of her 'talking to animals' powers and she thinks there's a big war coming with the gnome king." I tease, and he shakes his head.