Wildflowers |h.s|

thirty two

Devon

"But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you... not even close... not even a little bit... not even at all... Fuck you!" I cry, throwing the popcorn bucket at the screen. Rom coms and alcohol was not a good idea.

Arden pulls me into her shoulder, letting me sob as she pets my hair. We haven't left the house in a few days and I think I've been drunk and crying a majority of the time. It's been hard having to deal with the reality that Harry and I broke up, and maybe 10 Things I Hate About You was the wrong thing to watch tonight.

He hasn't tried to call or text me at all, and when I tried to reach out, I found out he blocked my number. I didn't even do anything wrong and yet I'm the one getting blocked and treated like the bad guy. And I want to hate him more than anything in the world, but I'm worried about him and the girls. I just want to hear his voice again.

"Why can't I hate him, Arden?" I sob, just so fucking sad. I've never felt more lonely in my entire life to be honest.

She sighs, petting my hair as I let it all out. "You loved him, Dev. It's okay, you're just feeling your emotions. It's all part of the process, but you'll feel better soon."

How did we get to this point? What did I do to screw this all up for us? Was it really just me telling him I love him? Did that ruin us? How do I go back in time and change that moment? How do I take it all back?

I hold onto her, starting to calm down a little bit but I'm still not doing great. The credits for the movie start rolling and I just pout to myself. "I have his name tattooed on my ass." I admit.

Arden tries her best, but she just cracks up laughing and I can't help but start laughing too. His name is tattooed right on my ass cheek for the entire world to see, and we aren't even together anymore. One day I'm gonna take my kids to the beach and they'll probably see some random guy's name on my ass. God, what the fuck did I do?

"B-But wait-" I giggle, still crying but at least I'm laughing. "He has my name tattooed by his dick." We crack up laughing more, holding onto each other as we do. God, we're drunk messes, but this is good in a way. We're laughing about it finally, even if it's just for a couple seconds.

"Why'd you throw the popcorn, now it's all over the floor!" She complains, getting up so she could grab the bowl to make some more.

I just pout, grabbing a sour straw from its package to take a bite. "I'm sad and my boyfriend dumped me and blocked my number." I complain.

She sighs, shaking her head. "I still can't believe he called you his ex's name. You have to be pretty fucked up in the head to say something like that in the middle of a fight."

"You know, thinking back on it, I think he was genuinely seeing Jamie in that moment. I don't know what's going on through his head. But he said it's his fault she, well you know."

Arden sighs, leaning against the counter as she waits for the new bag of popcorn to finish in the microwave. "But I mean, clearly she had issues. I mean, you said his youngest daughter had to have been like six months old when it happened. She probably had severe postpartum and never got help for it."

I shrug, picking at the blanket that's over my lap. "Yeah. I still feel bad for them. Can't be easy having a new baby and then having that happen..." My lips pout again, thinking about Annika and Oakley. I miss them so much. I hope they're doing okay, but I have a feeling that house is chaos.

"Sucks. But Dev, he has to deal with his grief and if he won't then it's not your job to fix him. Now he has to be a big boy and deal with the consequences of his actions. I know you, and you'll rebound like nobody's business, but just take time to grieve what you thought was a forever relationship. Look, we're going to that New Year's party in a few days, I'll be your kiss this year."