Wildflowers |h.s|

forty one

Devon

Walking into the house from work, I could hear Harry's guitar playing from somewhere in the house. I know he's brought it out of retirement lately, but better that than the motorcycle collecting dust in the garage.

I quietly close the door, smiling as I hear him starting to sing. I'm sure the girls are with him since they usually race to beat each other to say hi to me first.

"I could stay awake, just to hear you breathing..." He sings, and I must say, he could have been a very famous singer in another life.

Following the melodic sounds of his voice, I'm led to the girls' playroom. I peek into the door, grinning when I see the three of them. Harry's sitting in a fluffy pink bean bag, and the girls are laying on their bellies on the floor in front of him, captivated by his voice. Not wanting to disturb them, I quietly head up the stairs to change out of my work clothes.

It's a lot later than I would usually get home, since I had a doctor's appointment. I'm not pregnant, and nothing is seriously wrong with me. She mentioned maybe cancer or something with my kidneys or appendix, but everything checked out to be normal from my initial blood tests and all the other things she checked for. I still have to go for more bloodwork, but she recommended a therapist for me to go to. In a way it's good news, but Harry and I do still have to talk about our future. And that's gonna happen tonight for sure.

Quickly, I change into a pair of sweatpants I have here and one of Harry's sweatshirts, smiling to myself as I hear Harry continuing to sing to his girls. I know he likes singing that song to them, and I'm pretty confident in saying it's Aerosmith. I'm getting a lot better at knowing the songs he listens to.

Once I'm changed, I go back downstairs, hearing he's getting toward the end of the song. He's been doing really well in therapy, and Tilly, his grief counselor, told me that he's really talking about what happened in the bathroom. I'm going to make an appointment with this therapist I was referred to soon because I definitely need to talk about what happened there too.

It's not easy seeing the person you love going through something so painful. More than anything I just wish I could wave some magic wand and make everything better. He deserves to be happy and not have to deal with this mental turmoil. I want to take his hurt and turn it into joy. But I know after seeing what he saw, it's nearly impossible.

He may not have loved Jamie as a partner, but she was his family. They had daughters and he stayed for her. Even in the bad times, they still had moments together where things seemed like a normal relationship. They celebrated their highs together, and worked through their lows. I know Harry, I know he tried his hardest to make his relationship with Jamie work. And I know losing her was a devastating moment, putting aside how she went.

Nobody should find their family member the way he did. I just hope that it gets easier for him to cope with everything the more time passes. I know it will always hurt, and it will always give him nightmares, but I'll be right there to help him back to sleep.

As he finishes up his song, I peek into the playroom again, just as the girls are asking for another song. He looks over when he sees me, the biggest grin coming over his face. "Hi, love."

The girls' heads turn toward me, and they grin, hurrying to get up and run over. "Hi guys, that was such a lovely song." I smile, hugging the girls and picking Oakley up when she asks. We walk back over to Harry, and I lean down, pecking his lips as he stays sitting on the bean bag.

"Thank you. When did you come in?" he asks, noticing I've changed.

I plop down on the other bean bag, smiling when Oakley cuddles into me more, getting comfortable. Annika goes to get out a coloring book and some colored pencils. "Not long ago. Got to hear that song you just sang, went up to change and when I came down you were finishing up." I smile, gently running my hands over Oakley's scalp. She loves when I do that, just like Harry does.