Wildflowers |h.s|

thirty seven

Devon

It's been three weeks since Harry and I kind of got back together, and we are definitely taking things slow. Very slow. Like a snail's pace. But we both agree that this is what we need.

There's no taking back the things he said to me in his altered state of mind, and his actions that led to our downfall. His mental health issues are an explanation for his sudden mood change, but not an excuse and we both know that. He has been dead set on making it up to me though, and does his best every day to prove that he's working on getting better.

We've done a lot of talking in the past few weeks. He's gone into a little more detail about Jamie and the aftermath of her death, only when he feels ready to, of course. It breaks my heart every time, hearing about how ruthless her parents were in trying to separate him from his daughters. I don't think Harry would have survived getting them taken away. Those girls are his absolute everything.

From a first hand experience, I know how hard it is to be away from those girls and their magic. It's like being with them, you're surrounded by their love and positivity. Seeing them again, god we all cried like babies. It felt like coming home, getting to hold them in my arms and kiss their little heads. I made sure to hug them a little tighter, for Jamie.

I haven't been to his place yet, and he hasn't been to mine. We mostly talk on the phone, or meet at the park for the girls. We also hang out at the shop sometimes which is always a little fun. Honestly, I'm a bit nervous to be in that house again, knowing what happened. It's not that it feels haunted, but I just feel nervous that I'll walk through the door and Harry will see her again. He's been doing so good with his therapy, but apparently I was a trigger for him and that makes me nervous.

He keeps assuring me that he's getting better and he knows what's reality and what isn't, but that's not too reassuring to me. When he says that, all I hear is that he still sees her, but he knows she's not really there. But he's trying his best and that's all I could ask for. He's getting better for his girls and for me.

I'm seeing them today after work, we're all meeting at the shop before he goes home with the girls, and I think today's the day when I go over there too. It's been three weeks, and we've probably waited long enough to do a simple thing.

Work hasn't been the best place either, and I've been going on interviews for new job opportunities. I should be hearing back about those soon, and I'm very excited to high tail it out of there. Alex still tries to apologize and talk to me, but I just avoid him. I'll be nice if he forces himself into an elevator with me, but I'm very clearly not interested. I should probably tell him that Harry and I are back together, but I also don't need to explain myself to him.

It's just been a few weeks of settling back into the routine of being in a relationship. Finding time for each other between our even busier schedules and figuring out new boundaries we know we have. For example, I know now not to bring up Jamie. Not because he's avoiding talking about her, or pretending she didn't exist, but because he talks about her and what happened twice to three times a week and it's a lot for him. He'll come to me if he needs to talk about her.

I've also discovered that consent is a big thing I need. After what happened with Alex at my birthday party, I've kind of just realized that in an attempt to make everyone happy, I've let people take advantage of me. Not just sexually, but even at work. I'm always looking for other people to tell me what to do, and just doing it even if it makes me uncomfortable. It's been harder for me to admit that to Harry, but he's been really understanding and respectful about it, and it's honestly taken a weight off my shoulders.

In a way, I have taken my mom's advice. I fell apart, spent my birthday miserable and crying, and now I'm rebuilding. Only, Harry is next to me, and he fell apart and now he's rebuilding too. And we're like helping each other make sure our foundation is sturdy and all the walls and floors have support. It's easier rebuilding together.